Oddly Calm

So, it’s been five days and I haven’t talked to Alex.  It’s odd that I’m not that upset anymore.  I feel better actually.  Calmer almost.  I miss him, but it’s better off this way I think.  He’s too selfish and immature.

Onto food.  I had a small lunch today before classes.  Regretted that.  Then, for dinner I had chicken, mashed potatoes and peas.  I felt so disgusting that I practically ran upstairs to puke.  And boy did I puke.  A lot.  I’ll probably be hungry in like an hour, but at least it’s only 6:30 and I have all night to burn the calories that did get digested from my mega huge fatass dinner.  I’m not eating anything else tonight.

I almost told my friend about my eating problems, but I held back.  I’m really glad I did because I would totally regret that right now.  No one needs to know I puke.  I told Alex last Winter about it, and he told me that I needed to stop, it wasn’t good for me.  Duh.  About a month ago Emily said something about how I had thrown up after dinner (she thought I hadn’t felt well) in front of Alex and a few of the other guys.  Alex had given me a look like he knew, but he never said anything.  I don’t know what that story has to do with anything, but I was just reminded of it.

I want to go home, I can’t wait.  My Thanksgiving break starts on that Tuesday night, but I think my classes on Monday and Tuesday are being cancelled.  That means I have to wait from Friday to Tuesday to go home.  I may have to make another arrangement.

I just need a break.  And to lose 10lbs.  Stat.