Itching for a Snack

Ahh, I can’t take it!  I want to snack so bad!!  I was tempted to go to the union and get some poutine, eat it all, and puke it up.  I was so close to doing it.  Then I thought "I really don’t want to puke tonight," so I chewed a piece of gum.  Then I was thinking about a cheeseburger (because I was watching Gilmore Girls and they were eating these delicious looking burgers with fries and ketchup…uugggggghhh) and I almost gave in and got a burger.  But again I stopped myself because I DON’T WANT TO PUKE.  I was thinking for a minute that I could eat the burger and not puke it up because Rory and Lorelei don’t have to throw up and they look gorgeous.  Then I remembered I’M FAT, they aren’t.  They can get away with that kind of stuff.  I’m just frustrated right now because I want to eat in the worst way but I can’t.  I know I’ll be angry with myself and I’ll want to puke.  And I will puke because the thought of how many calories I consumed will disgust me.  Goddamnit.

I got a battery for my scale and I weighed myself a couple minutes ago thinking that the number would take my appetite away.  It didn’t work, although it did depress me.  I’m still hungry and I still want to eat everything I can get my hands on.  And now my incredibly gorgeous, thin, and tall friend wants me to go out drinking.  I can totally drink her under the table.  Not only because I weigh more than her, but because I drink more often than her.  Ohhh man, we’re going to see some cuties tonight.  Great.  I get to stand next to her and feel gross.  She’s 5’10" and like 115lbs.  I’m 5’1" and ugggh I’m not even going to post my weight.

I hate this.  I’m not going to eat or puke tonight and it had better be worth it tomorrow.  If the scale says the same number tomorrow morning as it said earlier when I weighed myself, I may have a conniption.  No, I WILL have a conniption.