I Was Good

Well, as the title says, I was in fact good.  I didn’t eat a thing last night and I didn’t drink either.  We went and hung out at Clarkson for a little while, and on the way back Alex called.  I don’t know if he knew I was hanging out there, but when I had mentioned it before that I had met a guy at a party, he seemed a little uneasy.  So he asked me if I would get him something to eat from the Late Night because he had been drinking and he had another meeting at midnight.  Me, being a stupid pushover, said okay after giving him a hard time.  I can’t seem to say no to him and that needs to change.  Well, actually, that’s a lie.  I’ve said no to him in many ways.  We haven’t had sex for about a month.  So I did get him food, and I hung out at his brothers house for a bit before they had to go to their meeting.  Alex asked me to go hang out at his place until he was done because he wanted to hang out still.  So I got my books and went to his place to study.  When he got back, we watched Scary Movie 2.  We had pulled out the couch bed so we were laying there.  He told me I could sleep there if I wanted to.  I said no, because secretly I wanted to sleep in his bed with him.  He said I didn’t have to go home, but I didn’t want to sleep there.  He said I could take his bed and he would take the couch, but again I said no.  I got aggravated because he used to ask me to spend the night just because he liked cuddling with me.  Apparently I’m so disgusting that he only wants me when he’s wasted and his judgement is off.  So, he asked what I was doing today and I said class and he was like well duh, but after that.  I said I didn’t know and he said well, I’ll call you.  And I said I don’t care, do what you want and walked out the door.  The wind grabbed the door and it slammed, which I didn’t mean to do because it made me sound like a total bitch, but oh well, I couldn’t help it.  He just makes me sad.  I know he used to care for me a lot, but something I did caused him to stop.  Maybe it was all my nagging or the fact that I don’t trust him.  All I wanted was a relationship, but he didn’t.  I pressured him and pressured him until I squished all of the feeling out of him.

Damnit, I have to go take a test.  I’ll write more when I get back.