Feeling Better

Alright, so I officially broke things off with him last night.  He called when he was on his way back and told me to meet him at his apartment in an hour.  I was already not feeling like I should go, so I put it off.  He finally called again around 6:30 and asked me to come over.  So I did.

I got there, and I guess he could tell there was something wrong right away.  Later on when we were alone he kept asking over and over "what’s wrong?  please just tell me."  So I finally did.  I don’t really remember what I said, but I know it was something about how I felt second best to her and I know he has feelings for her still and when she comes back I know things between us will change.  He seemed baffled because he didn’t know where I was getting all this.  It’s just how I feel.  He admitted that he still had feelings for her.  He said he would never act on them, but I told him I didn’t believe that.  He said I never believe him.  I promised I would start believing him.  But I said I just wanted to be friends, no more fooling around.  Then he said it was fine.  He asked if it was forever and I said I didn’t know.  He said that he wasn’t looking for a relationship now, but he could see us together in the future and asked if I would consider it.  I said yes.  I asked if he regretted everything and he said no.  I said "even cheating on her?"  He said he regretted that, but there was nothing he could do to change it and he will never regret becoming really close with me and all the stuff that has happened.  I said I didn’t regret it either.  Well, I regret the stuff in the beginning.  So that’s where we are now.  We went for a ride last night and he let me drive his car.  I didn’t stall once and he said that I was a lot better than his ex.  She stalled a million times.  That made me feel good.  Then he asked me to spend the night and I was a little wary, but he promised he wouldn’t try anything, and he didn’t.

I made a joke about not seeing him for a while now that we’re not having sex, and he asked if I seriously thought that’s what it’s all about.  I said kind of and he said "no, I enjoy spending time with you.  honestly."

So I’m not as upset anymore.  We’ll see where this goes.  She’s coming up for the weekend with her boyfriend.  We’ll see how that turns out.  And next semester.  I told him that he’s going to be begging her to go back to him.  He said no.  I don’t know if I can believe that just yet.