Continued

Okay, the test is over and after all that studying I honestly don’t know how well I did.  Half of the test I flew through and the other half felt like I was reading Arabic.  I want to say "I should have studied more, I should have taken the practice exam two more times," but really, at this point, what good does it do?  I really enjoy the class.  I do well on homework and online quizes, but the unit exams seem to kill me.  Hopefully I can do really well on the last one to bring up my gpa.

The last entry was my rant about Alex.  I feel bitchy for being aggravated with him because I know I expect a lot out of him, but it just really bothers me that he can’t give me what I want.  I really used to think that I could see him and I living together in the future.  I imagined him moving to Brooklyn with me and living with Alexis and Aric and Kate and we’d have this cool three bedroom apartment and I would commute and work in Manhattan and maybe even go to grad school and he would go to grad school and become a history teacher at a private school.  How ridiculous is that, that I pretty much planned out a future that will never ever happen?  He wants to move to North Carolina.  He’s never even asked me if I would ever go with him.  He doesn’t want me in his future.  Damnit, I need to stop thinking about this shit before I fall into a deep depression that will last the whole weekend.

So, eating-wise.  Last night I didn’t drink anything, even though I was offered a vodka and orange juice.  Then, when I brought Alex food, he offered me half and I said no.  I was staring at the mozzerella sticks thinking, "just one can’t hurt."  But in fact, it can hurt.  It’ll make me feel huge and disgusting and I would have made myself throw up.  So, when I was at his place studying and waiting for them to come back, I was having the worst hunger pains in the world.  My stomach felt bloated and painful, like there was so much emptiness that the acid was eating at the lining.  I was in a lot of pain and contemplated eating something, but realized that would be weakness.  So I stood up to get some water and almost fell over because all the blood rushed to my head.  But I got the water and sat back down and it seemed to ease the gas in my stomach.

When I woke up this morning I was going to get right in the shower like usual, but decided to lay around and be lazy.  I watched who wants to be a millionaire, made some coffee and ate a small bowl of special k.  I figured that since I was so hungry and my stomach pretty much growled all night that I should eat before my test if I wanted to concentrate.  It was nice being lazy, but then I realized that while I was writing the last entry that I still had to buy a bubble sheet so I had to practically run to the school store and run to class.  I was five minutes late, but it was okay.

So, I guess I should dry my hair and stuff now.  Oh, and by the way, I think I finally figured out why my coffee always tastes disgusting.  It’s my old, ghetto coffee maker.  Also, I have to put five scoops of grounds to three cups of water if I want it strong enough.  I need a new coffee machine.