News to me!

I said earlier that we all were doing a Fam Guy thing well we didn’t. We wound up going to the hookah longue and seeing Freddie! He remembered my name! It was sooooooooooo good to see him again! It was the crew the usual and new to the longue, TC and Tirb. It was TC’s first time and Trib’s as well. But for all other purposes it was good. Great convo, great friends and great hookah! We’re such a diverse group. No one is like the other in any way and it makes for great friendships. But TC brings Trib and I like her. She seems nice in my opinion. Kinda messed up teeth but no one’s perfect. So of course Hp and I are a couple and we do couple stuff but it apparently raised a few eyebrows. So me being me, I played up the moment. Oh I was sooooooooo into him! I was the so extra cuddly kind! It didn’t make them leave in disgust, but it proves a vaild and sad point. Interracial couples have been happening since the contact of one race with  another. The only people with hangups about  it is Americans. Why should love be designated to a specific race? When falling in love, there is no color option. Beside I love my HP for other reasons. I mean sure we’re aware of the stares we get. Like at the theatre when we saw Gran Torino (Great move btw) a groups of blacks were standing at the enterance way. HP walks up 1st followed by me. He waits to open the door for me and as he does, one of the guys say look at that HP mother——. So here comes I all dressed up and a total vision and he opens the door and takes my hand. The entire crowd of guys go OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Like that fine a– girl is with him?!?! WTF?!?! But it proves my point. I like him for who he is and not the color of his skin. But I suspect that he wants to dump me. Funny thing about J. He’ll dig his own grave! I’m talking and giving him praise and he tells me that HP is thinking about dumping me in so many words. It’s the maturity level and blah blah blah he says. So i dig more. I say it’s coming from me to get info on what HP is telling him. I surmise it’s something along the lines of we on’t spend enough time together and not romantic enough ets. I did ask TC and J to tell him a few tricks and secrets but to no avail so I’ll have to do it. Our sex life is apparently not a secret. So the short of the long of it is tomorrow I will talk with him. I did ask him if he was just on sex and he did say no but he also said he wouldn’t tell me if he was. He did say that he liked me for other reasons: the usual we have fun and similar interests etc so I guess. If or when we break up, I will be sad. I did like him and wanted for us to be more but I can’t help what fate has in store for us. Part of me knew it would happen anyway. I’ve been doing all this reearch on ADHD and how it affects relationships etc and found grim results if I stuck it out. I mean, what better person for him than a future therapist right? But atlast, I feel our season draws to an end. I don’t want it to. I think part of me is doing it for a reason like the looks I get from our friends and professors. I’m doing it more because people tell me that there is too big an age gap and he acts funny and what is it I see in him etc. He’s not like that when it’s just us. It’s like he gets over stimulated and goes into a sensory overload. Either way, I have to talk to him tomorrow. I just feel like shit cuz I can’t keep a steady bf. I’m always getting dumped so I look to myself and ask why but I can’t look outside myself and answer that. I stopped cheating and flirting for him, The harmless stuff done to our 3 mutual friends was done before he and I were together. I do love it when he calls me beautiful!