IN a complicated world….

All I want is something simple! SO wow a bunch of new developments have gone underway. I think my BF wants me to dump him but the sex is good. My friend likes me but saw me as the best friend that all guys turn to. In essence, it’s true. I’ve always been the listening type. It’s one of my fatal flaws. Everyone comes and talks to me about everythng and I listen and offer advice that’s always spot on. There is no limit to topics and I give unbaised info to all. Even if it’s against me or what I want, I see it as a responsibility to be forthcoming and upright in decision-making.  Always the bridemaid, never the bride. Then my other friend goes out with this new girl he met and I’m anxious to see if he used the trick I told him. More than likely he forgot. They all do. Weird. I got up to glow in the night that I just had with my BF but the only words I hear in my head is J. Strange. Why do I doubt him so? It’s like I want to be with him but I keep hearing that I should dump him and FAST- RIGHT NOW FAST! Don’t drag it out. I think he knows something I don’t but he won’t say! Fu*#*^ A! If HP wants me to dump him, that’ fine. I understand that all things aren’t meant to last and everyone isn’t meant to be together but we can still be friends. Friends are good things and we were that first. We ALL were. I’m not going to stop hanging around them and they ALL said if it came to that, they’ll choose me over him and that’s bad. I want us to be a big retarded silly group like we use to! I sometimes hate that I got involved with a friend. True he had been pursuing me for a while since like April of last year and I gave in in Oct but I wish sometimes I wouldn’t have. He says persisetence pays off. I say regrets can never go away. It’s like a mixed bag I guess. I love him and I know he loves me but once it’s over, how will it be? I see it in his face when I joke about it. It’s a look of total and utter devistation! He says he understands but man! If looks could kill, he’d commit suicide! I know why he wants me. I accept hm for who he is and I don’t let his condition label him. On another note, the b*#^^ that J dumped had the audacity to enter into HIS place of employment WITH her BFF the same one that feeds her shit to think act and do! I go WTF! There’s lines you just don’t cross after a breakup! Period! I’ve been there done that and it’s just a level of respect. Yeah we ended it on good terms and blah but you don’t walk into someone’s job and NOT SPEAK! Then HP and I walk in and he makes me walk out! I wasn’t going to do anything but I wanted to make my presence known. I knew she didn’t like us and IDC but you don’t hurt one of MY friends and expect me to be ok with it. So I called my bro and we’lll be on some goon stuff later. BS ani’t about nothin! But back to me. SO HP gets back to my place and I want to see if I can go one visit without doing anything. Not really but I just wanted to see hs response. HE came in me! I freaking have to get the moring after pill! He did try 4 play and my God he sucks! It was awful! He has no idea how to build up to it! He said teach him, I said no. I’m not letting another chick benefit from my hard work. It’ll all be over when I go to grad school. I’ve just made it up in my mind and he sees that. I was cold- all night.  I kept saying it to see if he’ll offer me his jacket and towards the end like 20 min b4 we left he did. He did warm the car up for me befroe we headed to my house and put cologne on for me. Those I noticed. He is trying. I see that but I’m so afraid I’ll make him a better man for someone else and that makes me mad. I am sooooooooooooooo tired of making other women happy! But I just didn’t get close to him. I just didn’t feel it and he noticed. He was getting mad. He is the emotionally clingy/needy type. He needs that constant reinforcement of love and acceptance. That’s fine but I have a job to do and stuff to do and a life outside of you. Went to a new hookah place and it was ok. I still like Freddy’s bull____ing. It adds to the ambiance but this place is closer and cheaper and J wants to hit on the girl there who goes to school with us which is cool. I opened that up for him. She had a ring on and I knew it was a deterrent ring. I had a freaking set I used! So I knew what it was when I saw it. J didn’t and was like she’s wearing it on the right finger and I say so would I. So I asked her about it and sure enough it was. I told him a lot of stuff. Let’s see if it goes together. Well I’m starving. I’ll finish this at a later time.