my own pitiful, sad rant

monday i go back to work. and i ended up going back to the department i worked in before i left for the baby. SCORE! i wasn’t that excited about working on the peds floor at first, but now that i had time to think it over for the last 6 weeks, i am glad that they are putting me back there. and i applied for a permanant job on that floor. and i am pretty sure that it’s mine. but i have to interview–just for the fact that it needs to be on paper that i’ve interviewed. otherwise i’m pretty sure the supervisor would just put me into the new desk without a second thought…….not talking up my game here, i just know that she has purposefully kept me around since august because she wants me to work in her department. it has just taken until now to get the position she has requested several times………….

blah.

home alone with the kidlings. both are currently asleep… actually the peanut is in and out of sleep, probably ready to eat soon and then she’ll zonk for a few hours… so i can sleep. for a few hours……………..

in a pissy/sad/down mood tonight.

my husband had talked about going to the drowning pool concert that is tonight, maybe 3 weeks ago. he never said anything else, so i figured he was over it and didn’t want to go anymore. i was wrong. as of 12 noon, he had found a (as in one single) ticket to go. what’s that? you didn’t even fucking bother to ask if i wanted to go? you thought that your time was more important than mine? you just assumed that since you wanted to leave someone would be here to watch the chillins?……..you’re a fucking prick because you always put yourself first? yeah. you are. and every time this shit happens i fall a little bit more "out of love" with you……………….

i’m sick of it. i’ve been sick of it. and now that there are two other people in our lives, it means not a fucking thing to him. it’s bullshit. i think it must just be a womans mindset that "the kids come first" and everything else doesn’t matter. not in his brain at least. i’m sick of his fucking band. i’m happy they at least took the time off for us to have a fucking kid. how considerate. now that he can start playing shows again, he’s turned back into the dickhead i was glad to be rid of 2 months ago………..big fucking surprise. i knew it wouldn’t last, but i guess i can have hopes for the future? he’s gonna be 27, and i told him that by 30 i think he can stop pretending his band is going to be famous. get over it. you’re not. "it’s my love" "it’s my passion"…. whatever. the kids are my love and passion. and before that, i was a fucking mess of alcohol and parties. i got over it. i fucking grew up.

and with that. i must feed my kid, since my husband is too busy being a fucking child himself to help me out