i want to be a man

my mom’s hot water shut off valve isn’t working, so she called the plumber, and had him shut off the water.
the bathtub had been leaking constantly for nearly a month… or more? and it was just a little dribble, finally this morning it wouldn’t shut off AT ALL. so she tried to shut off the bathroom water line, but it wouldn’t work… so she had to shut off all of the water in the house.

called the plumber, and he fixed the shut off for the bathroom…. but now she has to pay someone else to put in the new faucet (unless she can get a friend to do it)… so mom, sister and brother are waterless for a few days??? or more???

they called me at work and said they would be using the upstairs toilet and tub, cuz they are teens and need to shower daily….

 

meanwhile, joe called me and said the downstairs shower is leaking in to the basement, which has been an ongoing problem for us… when we get one thing fixed, another breaks (story of our lives???)… so we have discovered that the toilet, washing machine, and shower ALL leak in to the basement.

problem is, joe’s band equipment is all in the basement, and the last time we didn’t know the toilet ran, and got ALL OVER THE DRUMS! oops?!~?

so, of course joe is pissed, but is unwilling to shell out any money for the repair (which is going to cost MEGA bucks, cuz this house is old, and the pipes are even older, and i’m not really sure i want to know exactly what is wrong with it)… instead he thinks that my mom should be the one paying for it (because she owns the house)_-0—— but SHE DOESNT LIVE HERE!

 

joe IS the most selfish person i know.

and he is my husband.

how the fuck did that happen?

 

he doesnt pay his bills, or pays them late… and doesnt care…. then has the FUCKING NERVE to save over $400 to help pay for the tattoo he wants to get in july!!!!!!!!!

meanwhile my checking account is overdrawn by $200 for 2 consecutive weeks!!!!!!!!!!!! (which is actually about 3 1/2 weeks!)

instead of offering me the money to pay the overdraft, he doesn’t tell me he has the money saved until he has a few cocktails in him. if i was a worse person, i would have hauled off and punched him in the mouth. because that is ALL i wanted to do when he told me.

 

i had to beg him practically for a week before he would LEND me the money, which i have to pay back with my next paycheck.

 

 

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so, as i type, my sister and brother are upstairs using the facilities… and the only thing joe says when they walk in, is "yeah, great, use the water so the basement floods more"…………….

AND THEY DON"T HAVE ANY WATER AT HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all he fucking cares about is himself, and his shit, and his business.

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i am NOT READY to have a baby with a man who is this selfish.

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so, in conclusion, i had a great day at work… and when i come home, i’m usually pissed off. i don’t know why, because usually i’m pissed off when i have to go TO work, not leave work….. and today i thought to myself before i got home "i will be happy, i will not be angry, i will not yell at him for stupidness"……………but that didn’t work very well at all. (i ask him to do something, but he ‘didn’t get around to it’ because he was to busy fucking around with his shit in the basement.)

 

i wish he cared about ANYTHING as much as himself.

but i knew before i married him that i would be number 3, always. (joe comes first, then mommy/family, and me_)

i guess i’m the fool to think i would change it.

all i want to do is bawl, and punch things. ALL THE TIME. i’m sure the hormones are responsible, but it’s still bullshit.

i can’t function like this.

 

and despite me telling him ALL of this (everything above i have told him, numerous times) nothing changes. nothing happens. i stay mad, he thinks i forget, and we get over it.

then i think it’s a womanly thing to put others before yourself, and should expect to be shit on.

how many guys actually put others before themselves? what? none?….. that’s what i thought.

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just keep breathing.