i didn’t care about anything
eventually i will kill myself, if i keep this shit up.
*obviously you’re not that big of a lush if you can stop just like that* (from zack…thanks dude)
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re-reading my entries from before Bear was born. (and i must say, i’m so glad that he is normal. i was a fucking drunk)… but i think i wrote every time i was wasted, so maybe it’s an unfair sampling of my life?…. doubtful.
anywho, i was attempting to find a band that i love. they’re from the UK, and i can’t for the life of me remember their name. i had them on my myspace page, which has not been in existence for a year or so… therefore no luck in finding who they are. pretty sweet how i "love" them and don’t know their name……..i thought maybe i would have mentioned them in one of my drunk rants. no luck.
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bear had his 1 year pictures today. went pretty well. he cried the first few shots, then he laughed for the end. so we should have a few decent ones. echo came with this time, sara and joe worked, so i’m glad i brought her since she makes him laugh all the time.
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in less than a month i’ll have two kids. and be fucking stressed to hell. right now i can’t believe i’m actaully taking care of one kid. (speaking of… just started crying, woke up from his nap)…. let him chill for a bit and wake up more….
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applied for a transcription job in radiology. thinking i’ll get it, kinda hoping i’ll get it. as of now i’m officially "floating" and subbing for a secretary desk and keeping track of doctor’s schedules, etc. not really something that i can get used to. before, i honestly had no responsibility and just kinda fucked around all day. now i’m doing actual work—and not that it’s bad, it’s just not something i’m really interested in doing. i didn’t go to school to keep track of doctors schedules……i shouldn’t have to pay $6000 to be someone’s mom. i do that for free. (well…..essentially)……….they told me in the interview that they would wait to train me when i came back from leave, so in 10 weeks i might be officially a transcriptionist? which would be nice. i like the boss i have/would have in the department i used to be in, but the current department sucks….the ladies aren’t really my kind of people–too snooty–and the whole operation is just weird and too controlled. it’s like they want someone to babysit them all the time? fuck that. i want freedom……..
anywho. crossing my fingers for that one.
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re-reading entries, i realize that i’m totally a different person, but know i can slip back into that person sooooo easily. i haven’t craved a cigarette in almost a year. pretty sweet! and i only miss drinking seldomly—like when there is a gathering and everyone has a drink. but laura is preggo now too, so i know for sure she won’t be drinking. not that she does ever anyway.
secretly i kind of fear my husband and i are growing apart? i don’t know. it’s just different than it used to be. he’s an awesome dad, and great husband, but it’s just different. i hope it doesn’t change more when the next one comes?
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my brother is 18 on monday. fucking nuts. he’ll be leaving for college in the fall. more fucking nuts. my mom will probably go crazy, my sister is already crazy… maybe she’ll mellow out then? idk.
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baby stopped crying. back to sleep? no se. bad momma. playing on the puter.
today i designated as "fuck it, no chores" day. i’ll cook when my husband gets home. good enough. i’ve already been out and about, so an accident where the guy flew out of his car—which i didn’t know at the time–and the helicopter had to come and get him. i guess he broke his back (according to joe’s mom—and emt)…. yeah, we just saw the car in the ditch and thought nothing of it. seatbelts save lives!!! and went shopping for a b-day gift. and then designated the rest of the day for nothing. loving it.
maybe i’ll do laundry. that’s easy enough…………plus i’m wearing my last pair of underwear—-out of like 20 pair, so i think it’s time
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and with that. my dog needs to shit—or so he thinks. probably gonna shit out a plastic spoon and cardboard cup…. since the cat knocked my blizzard cup on the floor, and the dog took it upon himself to finish the cup for me.