Xmas

 Xmas

 
So I slept pretty much all day. Fell asleep last night watching Elf. 
Such a funny movie. 
 
I got a text and a call from my mom, and a coworker of mine which was nice, and a text from this guy I am sort of on and off with which was nice, I sent a text to my boss she seemed happy to hear from me. 
 
I am going to see my mother tomm with her ugh boyfriend I hope
There is wine!! But she’s cooking a turkey and all that still so that’s nice. Should be ok.
 
Me and her are also going with each other to see Les miserables on Friday. Which I have been wanting to see. 
 
I had that fwb guy over the other night. Turns out there was no block….
 
Anyways I haven’t hooked up in awhile and was kind of fiendish so he came over the other night. Apparently it was his bday. It was eh. He’s still a prick. He has moods where he is all nice and whatever but than he gets all cranky and critical. Bitch wouldn’t brush his teeth because he didn’t like my toothpaste. It wasn’t the "good" kind. Lol it’s Colgate? Whatever I didn’t expect he was going to sleep
Over. He’s like u don’t have clean towels and being critical of this and that. Like fuck off. You are not that important to me for everything to be perfect for you. 
 
That’s the reality of my life the only guy in my life is a prick. I mean we cuddled a bit. The sex was alright. I know him and he doesn’t scare me known him for three years but if I wasn’t so desperate I wouldn’t see him. I kind of told him off by text not expecting a response. I mean the guy was using my fur remover thing and he throws it on the ground afterwards. No respect. 
 
I deleted his number. I don’t see guys to be blatantly disrespected and criticized for what? For sex? That’s it. Didn’t leave me with any good feelings he doesn’t give me shit. He makes O look like a fucking saint.
 
Anyways I was drunk last night and I called O on my magic jack
Account that says Flordia. It was late. It rang and rang than went to his voicemail. He hasn’t changed his number or anything. No way would I call him from my regular phone. 
 
I don’t know why I still am hurt and not angry really. More just hurt. I feel like I should be angry at him. But I guess the way it ended was abrupt and I never talked to him just me and him. I still hold out hope he will call. Even if I don’t answer. I guess I want some sign that I am on his mind that I mattered or something I don’t know. Instead of just being dropped so quick with no warning. He didn’t properly break up with me. But the thing is one of my last texts to him was a break up text. Telling him I loved and cared about him but I couldn’t do this anymore. Much nicer than anything he would say to me. That’s the difference between me and him. I am real. Honest. Good person. I don’t believe he has it in him to break up or end things with someone cordially respectfully lovingly clearly. It’s all about games and Convience, nothing is said without some other hidden selfish agenda. 
 
 
Anyways. I expect things are going to be slow going in my life for a bit. Money’s tight. 
 
The two things I have been looking forward to is New Year’s Eve and finding out if I get granted am interview for that program starting new month. I would be so happy if I do. But it’s 12 ppl picked out of 150!!! So we will see!!!! 
 
 
I hope next year brings better things and newer people in my life. 
 
I am keeping hope that things will change for the better and that I am outgrowing the patterns on stupid men and people. That the things that don’t serve me are leaving and other things that fit the purpose for my life will present themselves if I accept and grab them. Lots of change in my life. 
 
Anyways Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to everyone who celebrates and to those who don’t at least it will be over soon enough.