Told off Doctor

 Called the psychiatrist a prick 

 
Haha and it made me feel so much better. 
 
They should call hospitals jails. Because that was my experience. I didn’t even sign and forum 4041. 
And they were feeding me drugs and taking away my shit.
 
Two mall cop security guards mother fuckers started hassling me because I wanted to keep my money with me. Don’t trust no one especially mall cops on a power trip. 
 
Anyways I went into the hospital suicidal, lucid out of control to happy elated and free. 
 
The dr was a real prick and his smirk said as much. He kept interrogating me like a convict and I gave it right back to him. He kicked me out of the hospital and I called him a prick. Than he asked me if I wanted to be prescribed medication. Um no thanks bucko. Lol 
 
Anyways I am doing better after my nervous breakdown. 
 
I am doing a three day cleanse. Because I want to look fit for my bday, I am going with a new friend I met who has the same bday to dinner and than dancing. So I wanna get rid of water weight and feel energenic. 🙂 
 
Should be fun. 
 
My ex sent me a text message saying how much he missed me after looking at old photos and than immediately said that’s it take care. I told him you either like me or you don’t. I don’t deserve his evil bullshit and stay the fuck away from me. Seriously he’s done its over. This isn’t tug o war here. I deserve a consistent person in my life a good guy not a guy who is insecure and needy and cold and cruel the next 
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Anyways fuck him.
 
Another interesting thing happened is that a friend of Zs came over the other night. He went on my computer to look on his Facebook and he left up a picture. When I glanced at the photo I saw the most Hansome guy ever. And I asked J who it was and he told me it was Z. I was like instantly transfixed before I even knew who it was. Just wow 
 
Anyways we talked for a bit on fB. I never got much closure with Z. I dumped him because he obviously the people around him were no good and the whole cousin thing obviously. But there are parts of him that I still love and parts of him I hate. 
 
Maybe I see him one last time maybe not all I know is that I got closure. I can stop idealizing him as the one who got away. And see him for what he really is and his Facebook gave me a look into his life that he always hid from me. The real him. Being Muslim is a huge barrier for us too. It always will as long as he clings to it and can’t shake the feeling that just because I am white and not Muslim that I am not as "good" or worth as much. Fuck that shit. O gave me enough of that. 
 
Still trying to figure out school shit. I am thinking of just trying for part time instead of full time. So I can get a job to support myself as we’ll.  being a student is tough financially and I have bills to pay. 
 
I have an exciting training for my other work coming up. It’s training for dealing with kids who want to commit suicide or are suicidal. I know all too well about this. So anything I can learn more and contribute to it would be great. Too many young bright lives are lost by suicides mostly from bullying. If you are different they will tease you for it. And kids can’t always see the big picture and think it will ever get better.