runaways.

So just got home awhile ago. Went to a friends house near where I used to live and where I grew up. We had a bbq and went to his sisters house to use her hot tub. It was nice I conked out early. The only thing that bugs me sometimes is I feel like I play the role of the co ordinator, organizing and making all the decisions. One of my friends will meekly suggest something to which no response will come from anyone else but me who ultimately gets irritated because I am the only one responding and ultimately trying to come to a consensus.

My good friend Alex from high school, brought his new gf, whom I dont really like too much. I dont think they are much of a good match. My friend is chinese but born here and he is dating this girl from china who hardly speaks a word of english. I think he met her at massage parlour or something of the sort and whenever I see her, she is either talking in cantonese with alex, or is on one of her 2 cell phones talking to someone else. I mean I can understand if maybe you feel awkward or something but I even tried to talk to her through alex but she didnt seem to receptive to wanna say much. She ignores Alex and when she is not ignoring him she is taking pictures and posing all sexily for some. So it was kind of irritating and it sucks because they were off in their own little world for the most part. But I didnt let that bother me I mean I am sure one day I may be part of a annoying couple at some point especially in the early stages. Ugh. I am pretty judgemental of Alex I guess, he just fusterates me  but I have to learn to not take it on as my decisions. Hes thinking about marriage with her but there is just so much against her really for me to think thats a good idea really. much more than I really care to write down in here. Its just sometimes he makes these decisions and its clear as day that they are not really good moves, but in the end I am learning to bite my tongue unless he asks me opinion because I know I make shit decisions all the time and no one really judges me much and when they do it pisses me off. so…I leave it be to each their own….

When I was at my friends sisters house (she was away for the weekend) her desk top computer was flashing pictures as a screen saver and than all of a sudden the pictures just get dirtier and dirtier, pictures of his sister having sex  with her husband and oral sex with other girls  and all this other stuff. At the time my friend whose sister it wasnt looking and me and my other friend both saw it and were just raising our eyebrow and kind of laughing. I mentioned it later on to C, and hes like I guess my sister doesnt realize it….hahah.it was kind of funny…its not the first time something like that has happened before..His sister and her husband were pretty good looking too so at least it wasnt totally gross…But if I ever meet them I think ill be blushing….

Didnt drink too much. I only had one beer I was going to get rum but I decided against it and just got beer. I was surprised I didnt drink much but its like it wasnt that kind of vibe and I felt comfortable enough with my friends I have known for years I didnt feel the need to get wasted really. they were really partying hard either really it was just a chill night. one I appreciate after the stupid disaster with that irish guy the other night. I get tired of partying and all the random strange men sometimes. its tedious, its dangerous and emotionally draining. I try not to let these stupid guys get to me too much but in a sense it takes alot out of you to face rejection and not experience real intimacy with someone. I was kind of jealous when my friend Alex told me he went to his gfs house with a bouqet of flowers and a bottle of tylenol for her headache I guess she had from partying the night before and apologized to her about the fight they had. I mean I think their relationship is a train wreck and I know I am pretty glad the past relationships ended in our first fights but I mean it was sweet and I almost wish that my relationships didnt end so badly, with no closure and apologies. instead the guys I was with were complete dicks who either walked out the door and never came back or had to be pushed over a text message to tell me how they really feel and break up with me. But I know that there are great guys out there. I just dont know if I am ready for a good one yet or need or want one. I dont know.

I am reading again. It helps take my mind of shit. I am reading a book called Memoirs of  a Neon Angel, its a biography about Cherie Currie, she was a singer from the band the Runaways. I dont really know much of the band but its an interesting read, I think I will watch the movie after I finish the book. too bad its god Dakota Fanning and Kristen Stewart in it though,, I am not a big fan of either. I think Taylor Momson would be a great Cherie Curie.I should have cast the damn thing.