Rough patch

So I am comming out of a rough patch so school didn’t work out so what?

So my boss is a jerk so what?
Just tells me I need to move on

So my mom is up to her old antics so what?
Take what I can leave the rest

So my building is shit so what?
I’ll find a new place to live and start fresh

So my ex is a weirdo so what?
Now I know what I don’t want in a relationship and at least know as fucked as things were he teached me a lot about romance and slowing things down and sometimes he really did treat me like a beautiful lady the rest of the time he was fucked in the head and being dumb not my problems I can do better and I will do better

I have been really slowing down on the Drinking as the quote says drink to feel even better not to feel better and right now it’s making me feel worse

I’m going to take it easy and really just focus on writing my speech I am going to present in two weeks and clear my mind my apt and life of negative energy I’ve hit my rock bottom lately and all I can do is go up

I’ll figure out where I wanna live and what I wanna do for work and a that once I am In my top form or close to it

Focus on myself and fuck the rest basically

I was out tonight at this Italian restaurant by myself for dinner ruling pricey but the service
And vibe was friendly and good.

On my way out I swore I saw my brother and his gf. They didn’t see me though they were waiting for a table. I haven’t talked to my brother in a year. He hurt me growing up and even before that our relationship was strained and he could never look me in the eye when I saw him nevermind really talk to me. I made a good decision getting away from basically my whole family it was not easy in some ways but I just didn’t feel like going to every family event and being out down ignored and basically treated like a piece of shit. My siblings are mean nasty people most of the time the epitome of haters. They get very jealous and spiteful and their priorities are all out of whack I often feel like I must’ve been adopted.

I don’t know if they will ever change Nd I can’t sit around and wait for that to happen. You can’t choose your family. Too bad.

Anyways he looks the same pretty much. I am glad he didn’t see me because it would’ve been awkward when I first really cut contact i sent him a Fb message saying I wanted a relationship but there was some things left unsaid or something like that he read it because
The Fb notifCtion thing said read but he never responded. My mother says he asks about me but he hasn’t called or texted or anything his gf tries to invite me to dinners etc but I sent her am original message saying there’s something I dealing w between me and my brother and it’s not personal against her basically so I won’t be in contact no response. Just swept under the rug ignored and than more mindless phoney invites saying how great it would be if I joined them. Um fuck that. If no one wants to communicate fine no contact. I will not pretend everything is ok as to not rock the boat I jumped ship a long time ago.

I’ve given up hope mostly as we got older they never tried to have much to do me anyways.

I need good people in my life not phonies and abuse.

So anyways for now it’s just me myself and I. I wanna keeps standards high and focus on myself discover who I and do what I want to do.

That meant cutting contact w a casual Fb of mine who was nothing but headache it was kind of hard but lately he’s reay been pissing me off

It’s lonely but I honestly would rather me alone than w ppl who drain me.

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