Polish guy

 So I had this guy over that I messed around with before over, and it was pretty good. He just moved here from Poland and has a cute accent and cute baby blues and blonde hair. (I am a sucker for blondes) We got some movies and watched them talked, shared a bottle of wine and things just happened more naturally than usual. I really like this guy I think. But when I talked to him he said he has never been in a long term relationship before and the one closest to something like that he said was this girl he was just having a fling with and he told me she started to develop feelings for him and at that point she started getting annoying as he put it and the broke it off. So that made me put my guard up at even considering that this will come to much. Even though he didnt say and I didnt ask what he was looking for I pretty much assume and will keep my guard up and not contact him as much. I mean I dont really want much either I dont think. Too much pressure and I have other things more important to focus on right now. But I really do wear my heart on m sleeve I think. When  I really like a guy I do a lot for them and seem like the perfect girl but than I get all bitchy and annoying haha. 

Hes really good at sex, and I think thats why I probably like him most, he cares about my pleasure and we just kind of share the same kind of fooling around style I think.

But anyways I still wanna play the field but I am definately going to slow down and really only see guys that I know from before, finding new people is just really tedious and dangerous mosst of the time as I have learned lately.

I forgot to mention one thing that I  am doing well at work and that is a helper at work mentioned to me and complimented me on the way I am so hands on and involved in the kitchen, I was kind of surprised and asked her if the other facilitators in the same job as mine are as well and she said no. So I guess thats a good thing that I want to appear that I am working WITH them rather than eagle eyeing them and bossing them around.

I put my foot in my mouth and told my friend Alex I dont like his gf, after he asked me what was wrong and why I seemed so quiet on Sat night. I immediately regretted it because I know its going to bother him, but hey I think hes pretty used to me being honest. He asked why and I told him about it being hard to her and how she is on her phone half the time. He replied , Oh I see, yeah that is her bad habit. But I just told him I dont really wanna get into it, that I dont have to like her and that is his choice basically. I mean I am not going to be rude to her or anything , but I really dont feel the need to have to like her and try too hard. I just dont think it is going to last very long, and I think Alex could do better. His other friends dont like her either. I will keep an open mind towards her a bit still but I really dont think my opinion is going to change. I am sick and tired of other peoples significant others being kind of shoved onto me. Ie. my dads jail bait gold digging gf. I know this situation is a bit diferent a bit and Alex with his gf doesnt bother me as much, but I mean me and him are good friends too you know? and this whole situation with this girl just kind of came out of left field it was never an on going thing. and when shes around he basically ignores us and talks chinese to her and goes off so they can take pictures with eachother. AH I resent couples I guess. I mean I dont like my moms bf either. This may seem like I dont like anyones significant others but thats not true because I  do like my brothers gf. Especially since she invited me to go to Britney Spears this weekend. I am so excited I tell everyone most of the people I tell are guys and they all hate her but I dont care , I am just excited for myself. lol

I think its for my birthday, its comming up in a few weeks and both my mom and sister have surprises for me. Surprises drive me a bit nuts but I dont mind them it gives you something to look forward to and keeps me guessing on my spare time.My sister said her surprise for me in the night before my birthday and my mom brother and sally will be there too, I am thinking its some kind of event or something like the Blue Man Group, (although I dont think its that one because we have all seen it) and than my mom though of something too! So kind of makes me feel happy to know my family cares. Being the youngest in the family everyone has always made a big deal out of my bday, when I was younger every year I would go somewhere new, one year mexico another year cuba another year new york etc. but after my parents divorce and my mom loosing her job and well me getting older it stopped. sucks but what can you do? was kind of a spoiled thing to do. 🙂

I talked to my therapist about the assault finally, I dont think I mentioned it to anyone because of me just trying to get over it and avoid the shame I felt towards myself for thinking that I could control what happened, which logically I know is not true, I could not control much at the point of getting so high and having two big thug guys over power me in my own apartment. She wants me to list the things that I am doing in my life to make sure when I have these encounters to keep myself safe and what other things I can do to keep myself even more safe. I am not going to write it in this entry but I will write it in a private one I think. 

Anyways my phone alarm is going off and its annoying me and I need to turn it off.

Adios!