Passed the fuck out!

 Passed the fyck out 

 
So this morning I woke up and started loosing my vision, light headed, feeling like I was going I throw up and it kept getting worse and worse. I thought maybe it was a panic attack so I got water, and turned my air conditioning on but it was still horrible. I was on the third floor and I don’t know any of my neighbours so I ran barefeet downstairs and knocked on the office door and than I blacked out. They told me they put me on the bench I was very pale and my lips were white and than they transferred me to another chair and I passed out. Than I came to in the chair and felt better at least. 
 
Er sucked. Shouldn’t have called stupid O but I did and left him a message he called m back and said he "wishes" me well and will call me later after work. I feel idiotic for crawling to him because there’s just a chance it’s pity and obligation at this point and either one don’t feel good really. But I am going to just let either possibilty go for now. 
 
My mom came through for me. And she’s been alot of help this time so I am happy and greatful for that.
 
The ER did tests nothing came back and they claimed and tried to convince me its a panic attack but I doubt it. I have ALOT of experience with panic attacks and never have I passed out and every litature I have written has said that passing out is very rare and uncommon and some articles said impossible. Even if it is I wanna rule out more physical issues just in case. I don’t accept just a panic attack especially when I am passing out I could have hit my head or passed out sooner. 
 
Anyways I am feeling very upset today and fusterated and scared. I have never passed out before I almost did once and I was so convinced that I wouldn’t pass out and I did and now I am scared its going to happen again. I am so tired and heartbroken and just messed up. I just wanna move on get a job focus on my day to day life but my lack of energy and this happening deters and freaks me out. 
 
I don’t wanna slow down. Slowing down only has me focusing on the shit things and nothing really good yet. 🙁 I’m working on the good 🙁