my weekend

So I had an okay weekend. I spent too much money on shopping though and going out the other day though. I am part of this girls group that gets together every once in awhille, more often now since its the summer. I have been part of it for about id say 8 months now. I really like it I mean the girls are all around my age and pretty mature and non catty I find. I havent really gotten too close with any really. Sort of close with the groups owner but not really too much. We all went to the groups owners house Ns house first it was a potluck so people brought food and than we went to the park across the road and chilled out there was a concert going on so we sat on the grass and talked. there was about 15 of us I would say some girls some guys a mixture of Ns friends from back where she grew up girls and guys as well as some of the girls boyfriends and friends. So I got to meet alot of different people. There was this one guy though that was really getting under my skin, apparently N met him online on a dating website and had been talking to him online for about a year on and off nothing serious just friends so she invited him to this party partly because she broke up with her bf and just to add a mix to the party.

He was so loud and obnoxious the whole time. As we were getting ready to go out for the night to a bar or a club I was telling the girls I bought this hot pink dress which is so unlike me because i hate pink and i sort of liked it but i thought it may kind of make me look like a hooker a bit so i was unsure if i was going to wear it. I think he over heard because later on when we were all getting ready i went out of the washroom hestitantly and he gave me this look and said loudly where are you going to walk the streets in that dress? I gave him this evil mad look and hes like why are you looking at me like that and i said that was uncalled for and rude. I didnt ask your opinion. I was going to the other side of the room anyways to grab my high waisted skirt to wear over top anyways having made the decision beforehand it was a bit much for the night and the people i was with. within ear shot of walking away he grabs anyone he can find to tell them what happened and say to them its such a tight dress and its only 6 o clock what is she thinking?  I guess she didnt like my comment….I heard and went right up to him and said I can hear you I am right here and no I didnt like your comment if you wanna know the truth from ME.

After that i basically ignored him for a bit than decided to let it go since i had no intention of seeing him again and there was just so many other people there i wasnt going to let it ruin my night. later on he came up to me and said sorry but not without saying I didnt mean it that way. to which I replied of course you meant it that way. I will accept the apology but not the backtracking excuses. and than just thought you know this guy is getting under other peoples skin too with his comments and his loudness so i am not going to take it personally.

UNTIL we get on the streetcar and he starts mocking these two guys that got on at the back of the street car, they were pretty big guys and looked kind of tough. One of them I saw was getting really mad. I was stuck at the back of the crowded street car with him and this guy was really getting ready to punch this guy in the face his other friend had to calm him down and tell him to ignore him . The obnoxious guy than starts being all nice to the guy and telling him its Ns birthday to which the guy yells at him in his face he doesnt fucking care. The obnoxious guy well call him L than starts getting in his face so I join in on the chorus of happy birthday song that the other girls and guys are singing to N to drown out their yelling at eachother so one of them will decide to just drop it and ignore one another I think it worked because they stopped but it was another 5 minutes before our stop and i could just feel the tension brewing and was scared that i would get caught in the cross fire and hurt because of it. I chewed the guy out later on telling him that he almost started a fight and i was mad because i couldve been involved but knowing him he just said he didnt fucking care and was used to it. it was so exhausting being around him most of the time at some times he was was funny and real nice he paid everyones cover to get in and we joked around a bit too but I just dont like the liability of being around someone so unstable and hostile to strangers. and he was like that sober and DRUNK. N said she was getting annoyed with him too as well as some of the other girls and guys.

But anyways I met a cute blondie irish guy so we had a bit of a fling but I went home cause I wanted to get some sleep. I was going to go to this sexual abuse support group today and i was like two secs away from getting there but i kept on getting lost and the busses were so unrealiable and all that I decided to just fuck it and go home it was way too hot to walk around aimlessly and lost and way too many crazy people out today. this real irratic guy was waiting at bus stop for me and offered me a light wen i was trying to find a lighter so i stupidly said yes and he was trying to hold the lighter to light it for me but i said i can light it myself so i did but he kept on trying to get close to me to get my hair out of the way but he was just so creepy about it freaked me out so i pushed him away lit the fucking the thing as fast as i could and said thanks but in a cold way so he wouldnt engage me further. than the street car he wanted to get on was getting diverted so he started cussing out the driver and the burnt out driver started screaming at him taking the guy way too personally and threatening to call the cops and shouting after him way after he was out of ear shot. than the irratic guy got in the middle of the road to block the street car and the driver started honking its horn the guy got out of the way but the driver was so pissed he like reversed the street car and opened the door to scream at the guy some more. as i am writting this i am kind of smirking because now its pretty funny but at the time i thought i was going to have a panic attack.

i just didnt feel too safe with all the traffic and irratic people out today. you dont wanna look people too much in the eye or be too friendly because your scared they are going to harass you for something. i wish the city could be like more laid back and you could feel ok saying hi or smiling at someone without thinking they expect something from you. i feel hardened a bit and distrustful my back is always up and i sometimeas have this serious look on my face but partly because i am anxious while in the city and partly because i am scared,annoyed or distrustful of most people. its sad really but thats how i see tings especially when you are a young girl alone in the city you cant be too trusting or friendly really. i hate dealing with most ttc drivers that operate the busses and streetcars id rather ask a person on the street for directions than them most of the time because most of the time you will get some smart ass remark and i am still not immune to them its just so much of a headache.

well nothing else is really going on today. my sister just arrived in Croatia the lucky bitch with her friend who has a grandfather who lives there. i am so jealous really

i wish i had connections and a girl friend to go to europe with or just travel with period .I mean not that i have the funds immediately to go or anything but I mean if I knew I had someone realiable to go with than we could you know save up together and make things more concrete. but oh well who knows what the future has in store maybe my sister will want to go again one year or something. i doint know. i guess i should be happy the weather is at least beautiful and the pool is open here. i want to go swimming its just motivating myself to get off the couch!!

whew thats alot of writing I hope this thing saves!!!!