moment of clarity

its in this moment

that everything has changed

the wisdom just arises

i dont have to blame myself no more

i dont have to fuck away the pain no more

i dont have to spiral out of control

i dont need to sell my soul

like i did at fifteen

i dont have to wear revealing clothes to be seen

i dont have to rush at the door late at night

no more do i have to think of myself as a whore

no more do i have to submit or else be shown the door

it was all coping

mixed with a lot of hoping

i had the same wishes other girls had about love

i wanted a man to love me and care

and it got mixed up

when i was raped of my virginity

slowly it all died within me

i told myself from that day on

that sex was a game

just for fun

i better not hope for anything more

because in the end

itll all be the same

ill be alone anyways

and be the only one i can blame

people moved on

and i stayed trapped in the mirror

same person same sneer

i tried so hard

to break out of it all

but nothing held true

before i knew it

i was back to the same thing

the memories blocked once again

not until his fist came to my face

did i know

that my father started it all

felt like a cruel joke

since than things havent been the same

thats when the dam broke

but in this memory of clarity

i can see that i will be alright

god gave me life

so now i need to give myself  light