Fuck I don’t know

 Truth hurts 

So bad 
But jens death was a lesson 
And kens face was a fact 
That those are two fates I do not want 
I deserve better even if I can’t see it now 
I need more 
That’s what I always knew 
God did this for me 
To show me a better way 
As much as it hurt this young heart 
That was once filled with hope 
For the wrong person 
I can’t live on his love 
It left me running on empty 
Because there was none there 
As much as I wonder if he ever cared 
Humiliated by the reality 
I know I wanted the truth 
Never knew it would hurt this bad 
But it set me free 
From the torment 
Of the wondering the secrets 
I am having flashbacks of things that I wouldn’t see 
And right now it’s crippling 
Like bullets are being shot at me 
Searing pain 
That comes out of the blue 
I still care 
But now I know caring was never enough 
Your soul was tortured 
And I wanted to blend into you 
I became one with your agony 
Believed all the lies 
Because I felt I would drown without the safety I thought you could give 
I was pounding on a locked door the whole time 
Just kept hurting myself every time 
I lost myself to you 
Now I’m left with this empty shell
I have to focus on me 
And fill what I never got
To sustain my life 
I have to be my own hero 
Rescue myself