Carousel of Pain

 Slept for two days straight. 

 
Very tired. I hope I am. Not pregnant. That’s been on my mind. 
 
I don’t think so though. 
 
My hearts broken. Who breaks up w someone over text message? I’m pissed off too what kind of idiot does that? I don’t deserve a phone call at least? 
 
I just chalk it up to cowardice and immaturity, putting it on me as a person makes no sense. It was te worst break up text too. Really disgusting and stupid and cheesy. 
 
I can’t wait till school starts or I find a fucking job. There has to be something better out there for me. 
 
Till than all I can do is sleep and dream these vivid fucking dreams about my father and my family. 
It’s comming back again. 
 
I feel so alone. Sucks. 
 
In other news I told my therapist that I got accepted and she was holding her water and spilled it all over herself she was so happy for me and excited. So that really made me feel good that she cared and wanted me to do well. Unlike my mother whose reponse was "oh" 
 
Anyways. It’s lightening and raining out. Kind of nice kind of lonely. 
 
Just really really sad right now. Can’t shake the feeling right now.
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>Went to see O the other night and things just weren’t the same. 
 
Coldness and him being very critical of me and demanding of me. So I took off in the morning. Than later he apologized but than said I was being a pain in the ass when i asked him how I was being a pain, and whether this was an apology or an excuse and what is he apologizing for he than said nothing and that we need time apart and I said times not going to change anything and than he broke up a me. I just said ok at that point. I am done with fighting and compromising and all that. I mean clearly he lacks the skills to resolve a conflict and is unwilling to go there if he has to end a relationship when it doesn’t suit him anymore. I am tired of this carousel of pain. 
 
It’s going to be lonely for a bit but things will come up for me soon enough. I don’t deserve an emotionally unavailable man who breaks up w me on a drop of a hat. Is critical of me cowardly and fucking rude. His charm has faded.