Bullying

 I was bullied as a kid yes. 

 
Bullied at home, bullied at school. 
 
I became a bully, and still am very capable of cutting regarks and insults. Sometimes I have to watch myself that I don’t go too far making fun of people, but I would say for the most part I am a viligiante of justice. 
 
The only people I really do this too is the cruel evil people w no souls anyways. It’s usually in some type of retaliation to something they have said to someone else or me. 
 
Anyways the bullying at school was bad but not as bad as at home.
 
The main reason i got bullied so much I feel is I didn’t go along with shit. If I told you once than told you twice to back the fuck off you would get either hit yelled at or I would just walk away and ignore you. 
 
If the group was doing something I didn’t wanna do I’d just leave and chill by myself
 
I was an easy target, a lone wolf. 
 
It bothered me more than I let on. But it was worse at home really. Where I couldn’t just walk away. 
 
The bullying makes me uncomfortable with confrontation and arguments now because I know how shit can go down. I know how volatile and nasty it "could" get. 
 
I am not really a fighter by nature but mostly by choice and only when I have to fight. I hate fighting. Because I learned to pick my battles early in life. 
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But anytime someone has a tone or raises their voice or confronts me I go into fight or flight or freeze 
 
Fights are no joke to me so I try to avoid real angry nasty people mostly. I just learned that in life you don’t need to raise your voice scream swear and throw fits to get what you want…..ok sometimes lol but usually you don’t have to. 
 
Anyways it was pretty bad I think the worst part of it was the online quiz titled who do you hate the most and my name getting all the votes. It hurt me 
 
The rumours of me having anorexia, being gay, doing drugs Etc etc. 
 
I wish I knew than that it was just fear and jealousy from my peers mostly. I was different in the way I was and how I acted I didn’t belong in the small town. 
 
I split off into different personalities because of the bullying and abuse and didn’t learn until now that was what I was doing. 
 
I still encounter bullying mostly because I know I am a highly sensitive quiet mellow person mostly and I stand apart by choice mostly and people don’t get it or assume that I am a snob or whatever. 
 
Anyways it still bothers me and annoys me but it hardly really hurts me because I know that it’s not my problem it rarely has much to do with me and that silence is golden. When you refuse to feed the fire you are taking away their power and their ability to Gain any satisfaction from their harassment. 
 
I now see it as a very juvenile thing and it makes me think of the quote 
 
Small minds talk about people 
Medium minds talk about events 
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I think that’s how it goes.
 
Anyways if anything bullying has most importantly made me a strong compassionate resourceful smart person. 
 
I have been effected It but mostly it has made me have great character,and really see more than skin deep in people and zone into things that are more important. 
 
I learned from not being the most popular person who never encountered bullying that when you judge people and exclude them you miss out on getting to know some really interesting incredible people
 
That there is more important things in life that looks money status and all that fake shit 
 
I can smell bullshit a mile away and can pretty much see through most fake people 
 
The bullying at an early age has really made me realize that the people who do it are very unhappy with themselves and don’t realize that putting people down will never really give them the satisfaction they think it will. 
 
Because at the end of the day they have to live with themselves and the pain doesn’t go away just because they thought they could put it on someone else 
 
I feel greatful that the abuse didn’t turn me into a malicious nasty bitter person. Sure I have my moments and I have lashed out and sometimes I think to myself maybe life would be easier if I was a cruel selfish person but I realize that’s not who I am that’s not who I want to be and trying to e someone I am not is not going to make life easier in the long run. 
 
I believe every dog has its day and I derive much more satisfaction making someone smile cheering them up inspiring helping someone and supporting them even if I am rebuffed not appreciated I can go away feeling like my dignity is in Tact and not feel guilty for harming or making things worse for me or anyone else 
 
It’s hard to keep your composure and try to be a good person but I try the best I can to keep any innocence I have left in this corrupted society. Even of its never realized 
 
I think also the bullying and horrible shit made me very spiritual and believing in afterlife and souls and karma and what not. Because when I had no physical human being I had god I had spirit presence I had this peace and miracles happened for me in my life. 
 
So all the horrible things have just made me cut straight to the chase the deeper meaning in my life the real stuff the stuff that matters the things that matter the people who matter all that good stuff. And just to stop chasing all the other less important stuff. I learned things the hard way at an early age and a big part of me is proud of this that I survived that I am still living and the bullies may have fucked up some parts of my life and effected me at times but I refuse to allow them satisfaction that they have "won" or prove them wrong. 
 
I am still standing. I am living my goals and dreams and leaving them all behind in presuit of things that match my life and soul and purpose in life. 
 
If I hadn’t been bullied I wouldn’t have my job talking about bullying and helping others. 
 
 
Life’s too short to hang onto shallow flakey judgmental people is what I am learning 
 
And as lonely as things are at times I would much rather be alone than with an abusive man or toxic friends. Or people who I don’t really click with but hang out with because I am lonely or desperate the right person is worth the wait. 
 
Anyways That’s all I could go on forever talking about this. 
 
Ciao