Better without you
At least
Even though the last episode was a bitch fest I will list the things that are going well and good and some things that have been gained from these hard times:
My depression and energy is comming back I am able to get some things done and actually get out and feel ok about being outside
My faith in god has strengthed a lot. I have been praying a lot and just talking to him and asking for things and signs and so far he’s been pretty good and delivering at most and just having that relationship with him is good to have back and just kind of feel like no matter how shitty people are I know someone is looking out fore and putting things in my way and people in My way for reasons and I do believe most things do happen for a reason regardless if we know right away or not there is a synchronicity of things and reasons why certain relationships and jobs and situations don’t work out. There’s always something bigger and in the grand scheme of things. Even if it does hurt and fusterate me. And I wish that god would get it right for me and I could just have smooth ride. These situations are put into path to strengthen me and sometimes I believe that god has given people free will for a very good reason and it saddens him to see people misuse this power to be evil and cruel and Greedy but I do believe good prevails in the end just not as quick as I would like it to.
My cat I could not ask for a better cat. I love her a lot and I believe she is a gift and an angel for my life because she is the only one I love and I often think and have her to live for. We have a bond that cannot be replicated or replaced.
My therapist and case worker they care about me and their jobs they are genuine and real mostly and I am glad my other therapist and case worker didn’t work out and I decided to switch because now I know what real care and help and supprt is.
The roof over my head and my actual apartment
That money is not an issue right now
Sons of anarchy
My health
That I have insight and ability to see the people and situations in my life for how they really are instead of how I wish they would be or think they or try to justify it all. It is what it is and you take the good with the bad. I am usually sometimes partially blinded or sometimes have to be blinded to get what I need at times but the truth is never that far behind and never escapes my mind completely I keep myself safe first mostly I cover my own ass that’s it
I have mAny great things about me talents and skills that I will one day be able to use for the greater purpose of this world and my own life and that time will come because I am too damn head strong and determined to not allow it to happen
A former friend of mine once said she has never met anyone as determined as me and she is right I fight tooth and nail to get what I want and I may stop and rest but I never give up!