Autobiography

 So my head and mind keeps narrating my life 

Just trying jusify all the lies 
The appearance that I keep 
The deadness in my eyes 
The judging looks 
The questioning whys? 
Why do I like to get high? 
Why can’t she keep it together 
Even sometimes I don’t know 
I am a mystery to myself 
More than people would ever know 
Can’t let anyone get close 
I let people in just enough to get by 
People can’t comprehend 
All the reasons why I feel I have to pretend 
Can’t imagine their dad raping them 
Selling them for money 
Mom drinking drunk crying telling me at ten 
She wants her life to end 
I go to my brother 
But it’s more of the same 
Every night when I sleep
There he was 
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>More shame 
More blame 
My sister was no better 
Greatest pretender 
Holding me down and punching me 
Screaming and yelling as I plea 
They wonder why I can’t work 
And sometimes even get out of bed 
Because they can’t comprehend the evil words that were said 
My family wasn’t a unit 
Wasn’t a home 
It was a battleground 
Kill or be killed 
No loyalty leaned there 
So If you wanna know why I can be so hot and than so cold 
Know that when I was bleeding and scared 
I had a fist in my face 
Not a hand to hold 
Love encased in threats 
All twisted up in obligation 
Secrecy and lies 
So if I seem kind of mysterious 
It’s just because the confessions 
Are even too big for me to carry 
<div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height:24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); “>If I told you 
You would run away 
And grow weary 
I think it’s crazy 
That I am still alive and well 
That I didn’t fall into the same curse 
That my family fell 
I can’t believe Half of it either 
That’s why I run away so much 
Because to remember it all 
Just wouldn’t do me any good 
So don’t tell me what I should 
Until I know someone who has seen it 
Been it 
They have no right to really know it all 
Words don’t mean anything to me 
Until they are backed up 
With time 
So don’t expect me to love you 
Without me first reading your signs 
Doubt I will ever really find someone who can truly comprehend 
Accept me for what I am 
I don’t understand 
But it is what it is </div>
So I just keep it all in 
Feel like I am living in sin 
But you prolly won’t believe it 
Unless you’ve lived it 
Than you will understand 
But that’s impossible 
So I just try to stay normal