afew weeks back

so I was assaulted by two guys a few weeks ago, but have been trying not to think about it really because I am really ashamed and know that it was partially my fault.

I met the guy online in my search to smoke some weed. I hardly smoke much but at the time I had smoked some recently and loved how it made me feel not tripped out like usual so I wanted more. So I invited this guy over and he brought a friend. He rolled up a blunt and I took one puff, and than said thats it I dont want anymore. I held it back to the guy who rolled it but he wouldnt accept it till I smoked a bit more. I took another puff than gave it back. Coughing my head off I knew I took too much and in a matter of minutes I was going to be tripping out bad. And I was I started talking incoherantly and went out onto my balcony and starting saying the weirdest stuff, I didnt feel I could control what I was saying and they just stared back at me in bewilderment and in silence. which tripped me out more and I told them to leave, I was tripping out and I was getting uncomfortable. but they grabbed me and started taking my clothes off and dragged me into the bed room I said no a few times and tried to get away but they both took my arms and dragged me to the bed. I gave up I told them to at least wear a condom and just gave up. there was no way in hell i was going to call the police. two thug looking guys in my house, me inviting them over? me high on grass, there was no way i could go through the shame of talking to the police, trying to insist that i was a victim of a crime. so i got into it pretended i enjoyed it, and sort of did. they finished and i pushed them out the door. they tried to stay longer but i got them out as fast as i could. than fell asleep or something.

felt like an idiot. i am full of shame and mad at myself that i dont even fight back anymore i dont even care i just give in.