30 is not the new 20

 30 is not the new 20

 
So I watched this TED talk today about a therapist talking about how its important to start your life now in your 20s and decide who’s going to be in it. 
 
And it’s so true. I personally am just really starting my life again and am becoming more serious about who I want in my life what I wanna do with my life and how to get there. 
 
She was talking about how if we wait too long to figure out everything in our 30s we may just settle with a man we’ve been seeing just because we think that we don’t have any other options. That we might procrastinate  on our career goals and jobs because we figure we have alot of time to figure it all out. 
 
She said the worst thing others can do to people in their 20s is tell them that they have alot of time. That is doesnt breed urgency needed to make things come true. 
 
I believe it. My life was at a stand still in my early 20s I was living with my
Mom partying, hanging out with the wrong people who didn’t give a fuck about me and sleeping around too too much and feeling quite empty at the end of it all. I had my family before I realized and came to terms with the abuse by my siblings and father conpeltely and I was a doormat at work and my jobs. I was anxious and worried alot about what people thought about me and I didn’t feel good about myself. Now I still get anxious and sometimes worry about what others think but I don’t let that stop me from doing and being what I want anymore. 
 
After several failed relationships and fuxked up friends and dead end jobs and the final attempted murder by a guy I was seeing I made alot of changes in my life. 
 
I did things that I wanted to do. I said the things I wanted to say whether I got a good response or not. I spoke up and I fought through fear or judgment or confrontation and rejection. 
 
And now I am on a path to being where I want to be. Living on my own with my own terms, doing things I love, figuring myself out and trying to find better people and men to be around. And I don’t think I will ever stop growing. I know what I want more. 
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I spent too long around the wrong people and I am still trying to find the right ones but I won’t settle for people who are flakey and not genuine. I don’t have a real family I realized my old one was fucked up and toxic and now I have to choose my own and I take that very seriously 
 
What she said is so true though, why waste those 20s and than spend all your 30s playing catch up? 
 
I regret and grieve that I wasn’t as focused in my teen years but I also realize what type of household I was living in.
 
But it’s like I live myself with more urgency. I am going to university next year something I never thought I would do and my family discouraged me from doing and didn’t think I could do. I have businesses I want to start 
 
But most of all I want to do the things I truely like to do and just be authentic to that and not be hard on myself if I am different from others 
 
Id much rather be different and happy and authentic than the same as everyone else and bored and unhappy and stifled.