My home feels empty, I feel lonely
Tonight is a terrible night. Everyone I know is doing Christmas stuff, and I’m home alone really missing Medhia. My home feels a little more empty.
I keep saying over and over how much I love her and am so sorry for what happened. I hope she knows that I know she does.
The 11 p.m. last night perk-up was a great present from her. For a moment she was alive and healthy. That’s the best memory I could ever have of her being sick.
I’m usually lonely, but tonight it’s worse. I miss my companion and best friend.
Seeing the spot on my bed where she would sleep is hard.
I forgot to put a few things in my last entry, and now I forget what they were.
I found it odd looking back that the vet told me Medhia wasn’t diabetic.
I need something to do.
MJG
“for I have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
Like word games, like Scrabble? Join Word chums from the app. store, phone or Ipad devices are best. I don’t like it on the computer, through Facebook. It’s fun, and you get a little “chum” character too!! Then as you save up coins, from making words, you can “buy” things for the chum to wear, or hold, set on the ground, etc. People Fun makes this game. I just thought I would mention it. I LOVE it, but, some don’t. lol.
I need something @butterfly4him. I need a distraction that is real and not an attempt to busy myself. That hasn’t been working.
@axalotal
Okay, I understand , sorry!! I don’t know what to say! Hope you think of something.
@butterfly4him There isn’t really much to say. Just something I have to work through. I’m really excited now for the 72 with my mom. Before today I was worried.
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Death is not at all difficult for those who have died, because they don’t know and are not suffering. It is hard only for those of us left behind. You don’t need to apologize to her — you stopped her current suffering and prevented It from becoming worse. You did the best thing for her. It was difficult to do and entirely unselfish.
I know exactly what you’re saying @singer. I tried my best but I feel like I let her down. It’s ridiculous to have those thoughts, but I do.
The guilt is strong because she still had some spunk left, but she would be much worse by the end of today had I not made the decision I did.
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@Axalotal: oh good I am glad you are looking forward to visiting with your Mom,
I need it @butterfuly4him. Now I can enjoy it without worry. Hard night. Can’t settle down.
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If you see her shadow or feel her weight on the bed, I hope you welcome those little visits. There are always things to do. Just a question of whether you want to scrub the kitchen cabinets!
@bonnierose I forgot to mention in the other note that I do have lots to do. I just lacked the motivation to do them today. And thankfully the kitchen cabinet scrubbing isn’t due for another six months. It’s almost as bad as deep cleaning the refrigerator.
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((Hugs))
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