Medhia I can’t get the vision of you laying there dead out of my head.
Medhia, I promised you would not die alone. I’ve struggled in the past having to let friends go. This was different. In the past, I have held a paw or been petting them. This time I held your head up, and as you slowly collapsed helped you to lay gently on the table, your eyes open.
Seeing you lay like that makes me instantly ball my eyes out so hard my whole torso hurt.
In quiet moments, I can’t get that image out of my head.
After I closed your eyes, they opened again a few minutes later, and I thought you were going to sit up and lick me. I’m glad you didn’t. That would have been so much worse for both of us.
I’m so sorry for leaving you there alone on that cold table. I should have wrapped you up in the blanket. I never wanted to leave your side.
I promised myself today I would be productive. I have been to a degree. I also promised I would only write two entries today, one in the morning and one before bed. I failed at that.
At times like this, I’m glad there isn’t an OD2 app yet. I would be over 100 posts for sure.
Today has been harder than yesterday in many ways.
MJG
“for I have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.” ~ Thomas Jefferson
The only reason I’m giving it a second thought is because I feel I feel like I’m dwelling. And no @wildrose_2, Medhia passed away within seconds. I even knew before the vet. I could feel the moment her soul left and I was left with her empty physical body left in my hand.
It happened quick and painless unless.
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When I had to put down my dear Pigeon, I held him on my lap, wrapped in a towel. When it was done, the vet picked him up and as his head drooped back, his eyes opened. For half an instant, my heart sang “oh, he’s okay!” But, of course, that was not the case. It did take many months before the vision of those beautiful eyes stopped haunting me. Right now, six years later, the memory makes me tear up. These creatures are part of our lives forever. All I can advise is, try to remember the good times with her.
I’m sorry that happened @bonnierose. I was just working on an entry and saw you messaged me.
I wish in both our cases Pigeon and Medhia were here with us. But we know they are okay and healthy. There is some comfort in that.
I was blessed with one very good memory at about 11:15 p.m. the night before she left the house for the last time. She suddenly woke up and looked like she was five again, full of energy, gave me more licks than I’d gotten in months, ate a lot, drank, and even peed without problem. I have that memory to hang on to.
I’m also glad I didn’t take any pictures of her. According to the vet she looked very sick. To me she still looked healthy. I would hate to have seen that picture and realized or have that memory of her recored for history. Somethings are better left unseen.
Thank you for all the notes. They really are appreciated.
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