Can’t sleep, too upset about this possibly being the last night of Medhia’s life

I’m so messed up at the moment.  I’m sitting in bed, looking at the cute little ball of fur fast asleep.  Much like she has been for the last year.  What she doesn’t know is this is probably her last night.

I made my decision to rush her to the vet tomorrow, and as much as I want her to, I’m hoping she doesn’t come home.

After watching her try to pee for three hours and nothing coming out, it was confirmed that her kidneys are in the process of shutting down.  From here it is a very short time before she dies.  I don’t that to happen while I’m away.

Medhia must die without pain, suffering and with dignity.  No one should die alone.

This is such a hard decision because an hour ago she ate.  Not much, but she ate without coaxing.

This is hurting and breaking my heart.  I have been crying the last two days as she just continues to go downhill.

There is a part of me that hopes the vet tells me it’s not time yet.  Knowing everything I do, I would accept that answer and bring her home.  A temporary mental easement until I come back home and find her even sicker and having to go through that alone.

She’s not peeing; it’s time even though I don’t want to accept it.

I always thought Medhia would outlast the four; the ones I got in 2002, Athena, Tigger, Gizmo and Medhia.  It turns out the one I thought would always die first, Tigger, will outlast them all.

I hope this is a short night.  The wait is getting harder every minute.  I want this over with, so I can start to grieve and heal. Most importantly Medhia will be free from her kidney disease, and she will be able to see again.