Time for a change?
I am depressed….
I haven’t felt this way since I was 19 or 20. Back then, I was feeling worthless. I lacked direction. I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. However, in just 2 years, my life would change dramatically. I don’t know if I made all the right decisions, but many of the outcomes were amazing. I found a group of people I enjoyed studying with, that led to successful grades which gave me the confidence to explore jobs in that area. Then, I found a job that led to my career and people I would work with for the rest of my working life. Ultimately, I started a company with people I met in that first career job. That company eventually, after 8 painful years, was bought for a lot money and I had “Fuck You” money. I could now do whatever I wanted.
During the same time, I left my college girlfriend of 6 years because we were stuck and I was fearful I would end up alone. Also, her family didn’t accept me. I wasn’t their religion. I wanted to be connected to a “traditional” family that accepted me… that would fill the whole I had from being raised by a single mom. I found someone who filled that whole perfectly. She shared my desire for a traditional family. All she ever wanted to be was a mom. And, her family embraced me and brought me in as one of their own. We’ve been married for over 25 years. We have 2 beautiful daughters. We have created the “perfect” “traditional” family. Now they are starting to leave the nest. The family dynamic is changing. We are a cliche. The kids leave the nest and I don’t know whether we belong together.
I am feeling worthless. I lack direction. I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
I just happen to be up early this morning and caught your entry. As you know, it’s not unusual for marriages to go through transition once the children leave the nest. It’s either make or break time. I will tell you this, I went through a divorce and it was extremely painful. I’ve been divorced for many years now and am in a good place but it took me quite awhile to get to this point. I do hope things will work out between you and your wife.
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Many people feel that way…. I pray you find the right answers
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Welcome to Open Diary – I really feel that no one person is worthless, I hope you find some community here!
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The one thing I do know about children growing up and eventually leaving is they always come back….Maybe not to stay for long but to stay long enough to get the help they need so they can leave again. And I know exactly how you feel because I felt like that about 15 years ago. But life does change for the better.
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I hope everything changes for the better. All the best to you.
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I hope you feel better soon!
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Welcome to OD.
The last of my kids just moved out. I strangely like it, but I too wonder about my husband and I. There is a big gap now. At one time everything revolved around the kids. Now what kinda sits in. It’s getting used to it. Hope you are able to transition easier in time.
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Just so you know the kids will be coming back just like a boomerang comes back… So you will always have them there with you.
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I think this is such a common thing to happen. I hope that in the coming months and years you remember the reasons you fell in love and get to a place where you start to enjoy the little things that being empty nesters could bring to you. I have a young child, but I can see where I will one day be worried about some of this too. Good luck to you
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Remember why you chose each other in the first place? Try to go there. 🙂 There was obviously a time before the kids and it’s common knowledge there’s a time afterwards. This is why I think it’s important for husbands and wives to find time away from the kids and to go on dates because in the end when all the kids are grown you just have each other.
Start rediscovering one another. What are your hobbies? Likes? Dislikes? Also the kids always come back from time to time. After 10 years away figuring out my life, I’ve moved back close to my parents place. Family is everything. ❤️
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Sounds like you need some change, and that you and your wife need to reconnect and remember why you love each other. Maybe a holiday? Or a few holidays…. Maybe a new project you can start together? Empty nest syndrome is a terrible thing but also very common. You’re in that stage of your life where you’re reassessing everything and figuring out what the next bit looks like. It’s exciting!
I hope you find the community you’re looking for here.
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