How my Ex-Fiance became my Ex-Fiance

Strap in for this one guys, because this still gets me going when I am in a sour mood!

So a little over three years ago I was engaged to a younger boy, yes boy, and we were saving up to purchase a house together. When we started dating I was very upfront with not wanting kids in the future (yes I know that has potentially changed). He seemed fine with it especially after I said I would consider adoption or foster parenting if he truly wanted children in his life.

So fast forward to a few months after we are engaged. He brings up children again and asks if I would ever reconsider having kids. I told him at this time no, but I don’t know what the future would bring. So we eventually came to a compromise that I was mostly content with. Looking back it was stupid and I should have never let it happen. Our compromise was after we have a house, get married, and we are stable enough to raise a baby then I would simply not prevent pregnancy for two years and see what happens. This seemed more than fair to me as I was initially going to say six months, but being on birth control I know it can take up to six months to regulate after stopping. And that was where we stood for about another 8 months.

Then all of a sudden he seemed to be avoiding me for two weeks. Waking up before me and going into work extra early, staying in the front room of my bedroom until after I was asleep, stopping to see his parents after work if I had the day off etc. This was weird and even after asking him he just said nothing was wrong. I shrugged it off and went on.

So when those two weeks came to a close he came into bed after 10 while I was awake reading. He sat down with a glum look on his face and sighed before telling me I should reconsider the kids thing. He has been spending time with his buddies kids after work while he finishes up and has come to the conclusion that he can’t not have his own kids someday. Adoption and foster care wouldn’t cut it and fill that need. (I really do get this but he knew when he started kids were probably off the table) I reminded him of my compromise and he said that it wasn’t good enough. We had to take into account what his parents and grandparents want, what my parents want etc. I was baffled! Since when does ANYONE else’s opinion aside from the potential two parents matter in this decision!?

I just said “Uh no. That is not how having a baby works. Unless they are going to birth it, raise it, pay for it, put it through school, and provide for it’s needs, they don’t have a say.” He didn’t like that answer and started going on about how both of our parents want grand-babies, both of our grandparents would love to have them in their life as well. I re-stated that they don’t get an opinion if we have a baby or not and that is not a good reason to have a baby either. If we choose to have a baby it is because we both want to be parents and care for another human. He continued to say the same thing just in different words and I restated the same thing in different words. But he was not getting it.

I was done at this point with him telling me I had to take others feelings into consideration when it was MY body and MY life. So I told him no, we are not having a baby the compromise is off the table because you are just trying to manipulate me to get your way. The look on his face was priceless. So he came back with “Then I don’t think we are engaged anymore.” My internal reaction was my first good look into myself and how i felt. I took the ring off, put it in it’s box and handed it to him. This was never going to work, the relationship was already dying when I felt more relief with him leaving for the night to stay with his parents than I did loss.

Looking back there were a bunch of red flags that I should have seen. Don’t get me wrong he is genuinely a nice and good person, but he is childish and selfish. He would obsess over something for a short period of time and then never touch it again if it wasn’t enough for him. I could just see him being the absent dad in our child’s life if we ever ended up having one. He also had NO restraint when it came to saving money or putting it towards things that would grow our finances and family.

Example. He had no credit, so when we went to get pre-approved for a mortgage we were denied. So he applied for a credit card and said he would make a purchase and pay it off to start growing his credit. (don’t come at me, this was the best we could do at the time.) I agreed and since it was his card and his choice to get it to grow his credit for us then he could choose his purchase.

Big. Mistake. he was obsessive over the game Magic The Gathering. So much so that he had multiple decks with names, uses, etched the card boxes that matched the color of the deck with those names, and purchased different dice for the different decks so they would all match. He had binders and boxes of cards. His expensive ones were in plastic sleeves or acrylic cases. It was intense. (I’m sorry, it is printed card stock, not gold.) I have my expensive hobby (horses) so I would never ask him to give it up. So he purchased a set of cards that he said were rare and would complete his decks and make them amazing. These three or five (i can’t remember) cost, wait for it, $1700.00. Yes you read that correct. Almost two thousand dollars for pieces of painted card stock. I get the argument of “they are limited edition and small releases” but I am sorry, that is an unnecessary purchase when we are trying to save money and get a house.

But wait, it gets better. After we split he came back the next day to get the rest of his things (some of it anyway, it took the threat of throwing out the rest for him to come get it after SIX MONTHS of me living with his crap in my room). He brought up that it was really crappy that he got a credit card to build his credit for us and I wouldn’t have a baby for us. (Big difference there bucko) Especially since he almost MAXED OUT HIS CARD for us. That card was at a $4,000.00 limit. The screeching breaks in my brain were real. “Excuse me? Maxed out?” His face was deer in the headlights and I could see the “Oh shit.” in his stance. I found out he LIED about the price of the cards. He didn’t spend $1,700.00 on those cards, he spend $3,700.00! On CARDS! If we were still together I would have lost my shit. But all I could do was laugh.

So that is the story of my ex-fiance. I know that was long and had a lot in it. I also learned from that relationship and have grown as a person. I see the red flags and I laugh at how stupid I was to stay with him so long let alone agree to marry him. I promise the relationship I am in now is so much healthier!