Recent Entries

• somhow, someway.

  March 13, 2011

  I shall continue breating...

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• nudity

  February 2, 2011

  Well, I got drawn today.  Nude. Sober. It was an invigorating experience, and i got a free portrait of myself out of the deal, which was awesome.  And boy isn't mad about it - and he shouldn't be - nothing happened. Ahh, pushing the limits of self.

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• exhale.

  January 22, 2011

  I have to take things easy.  I have to remind myself to put the stressful world on hold, and just close my eyes. I have to remember that my breathing is really the only constant I know of.  sometimes the sun doesn't rise, sometimes my nose runs, sometimes I hurt my body and it...

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• Mellifluence

  January 14, 2011

  so, yeah, we're dating again. and it's strange this time.  I find myself looking at him and seeing only obstacles.  I'm just going to accept it as my ego defenses kicking into high gear from the fear of commitment and let some time pass before I make any judgements.  And it is goin...

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• Disco Stick

  January 6, 2011

  I wanna take a ride on your Disco Stick. Anyway, I'm going to be hanging out with boy today.  It should be interesting, because I asked him to think about the state of our relationship and what he really means to me, and what I really mean to him and all that junk.  I'm pretty…

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• self restraint

  January 3, 2011

  so I somehow managed to keep my fooling around with boy to nothing involving penetration. twas fucking amazing, though. there was an emergency meeting at work today, which really had me stressing out about losing my job.  Turns out the store manager is just leaving.  Thanks for raising ...

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• tardiness.

  January 1, 2011

  well, he's already 15 minutes late, and I haven't heard from him.  Unsurprising, to be honest. But I'm actively looking outward for people and things to attach to in order to mitigate overattaching to boy.  I was incredibly flirtatious yesterday when I was hanging out with program peopl...

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• reaction formation.

  December 31, 2010

  I know what I'm doing.  I'm attaching to other people because of the situation I'm in with my ex. So I admitted that I'm in love with him.  He said that he loved me.  This fucked everything up because we could no longer go about our business as blissfully ignorant as we did before....

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• how infrequent are these entries?

  December 27, 2010

  Well, it's interesting the situation that I find myself in at this moment.  I am in canby, a ways away from where I live, and I'm sitting in some lawyers kitchen, typing into my diary while his son and I exchange techno (he is sitting across from me at his laptop). I've been hurt and I'...

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