Recent Entries

• First new entry: Ten year pause

  August 1, 2020

  This is weird. I was having a bad night, and I thought back about this website I wrote my desperate pleas on when I was sixteen years old. I don’t know what led me to google this place and find out that I could read all my old entries. it’s a decade later, and I’m…

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• Hopeful Days vs. Lost Hope

  January 16, 2014

   Some days I have hope for myself.  I have hope that I will outgrow this problematic lack in self confidence.  I have hope that I will get over my fear of rejection and fall in love and finally kiss someone.  I have hope that I will have the life I've wanted for so long. &nbsp...

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• Old Ghosts Newly Visible

  January 12, 2014

   Have you ever gone away from a certain place for a while, and while you were gone, you idealized that place.  Maybe not even idealized, but simply looked forward to returning, hoping things would be different this time. That maybe you'd be more outgoing when you returned.  And may...

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• Stories like me are a dime a dozen…

  January 2, 2014

   This entry is not meant to complain but to share my story. I've spent as long as I can remember feeling like a lower grade human being than anyone else.  When meeting people and attempting to form relationships, I would always think, "Why would they want to be friends with me? &nb...

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• Swim

  August 31, 2013

   You've got to swim..swim in the dark.  There's no shame in drifting.  Feel the tide shifting, and wait for the spark.  Yeah, you got to swim.  Don't let yourself sink.  Just find the horizon. I promise you its not as far as you think.   SoCo

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• suffer in silent explanation

  August 20, 2013

  Today was especially difficult.  Its hard to suffer through things because you feel not good enough and like you're going to mess everything up.  But its even harder to try to explain to people why you are so upset without telling them that you view yourself in such a negative way. &nbs...

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• Back to school

  August 11, 2013

   I'm feeling extra down about going back to school.  I know its going to be a bunch of hard work that's going to be overwhelming and nearly impossible to keep up with.  And I just don't want to...I don't feel like keeping up and working hard.  I just don't.   But mostly, ...

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• The Luckier One?

  July 20, 2013

  I look like the one who has it all together and he's the one who's messed up.  Superficially, that is exactly how it is.  He does drugs...pot, LSD, ecstasy, supposedly and probably cocaine...drinks, parties all the time, and didn't go to college.  I got a scholarship to college, ma...

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• 07/10/2013

  July 9, 2013

   "Maybe you'll find me on another lonely street by the smell of summer after she rains.  And maybe you'll lose me altogether in the her heat.  Let this humid air take away my pain."  ---  SoCo  ---

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