Recent Entries

• J the Maelstrom

  October 22, 2024

  Today I’d like to email M and tell her that John has passed, but I think there is something in me that would do it today for spite. So I will wait a little bit- I want to say what difference will it make? There was no funeral. I can show her the gravesite but…

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• Letting Go

  October 21, 2024

  ugh I'm really mad today. It's a whole bunch of feelings rolling around in here. Well, first of all about two days ago I felt him ask me to let him go. And I said immediately: "okay." Just like I have in the past. Twice before I have let him go immediately upon knowing his…

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• Beginning Again

  October 18, 2024

  Excerpts from a recovered opendiary entry, 11/02/2009.  “Two nights ago, I sat here and wrote my first entry. When I pressed "Save," it had disappeared. I figure that’s a good enough metaphor as any for me. Halloween was a couple of nights ago – i was Phoenix rising from the ashes, featuring my b...

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• DO NOT READ BELOW THIS PAGE.

  October 18, 2024

  They are just notes used from another time.

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• Dishes

  January 16, 2010

  Did the dishes today. And that has to be enough. Funny how life can be so tough for some people. Was it supposed to be this way? Today, as I held my baby in my arms, I remembered my "history." What was done to me, where I came from. I remembered how it was once my…

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• 11/18/2009

  November 17, 2009

  She hears it in the sound his shoes make on the hard wood floor, the steps he takes as they move around the room. Thay are the most telltale sign. It's hard for her to hear his whole body speak, knowing that he will deny her interpretation of his own physical language. She can't respond,so…

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• Karma

  November 10, 2009

  Baby Phoenix sleeps on my chest, so I'm tied down to the bed once again, while he eats and sleeps in cycles. Today we took our first trip out into CONSUMERLAND. We decided to go to the store to buy breakfat things. However, it took us ALL DAY to get out the door. So we…

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• No crying in baseball

  November 9, 2009

  I've had a really hard time bringing myself to these pages- mainly because I spend most of my time in bed, nursing, burping or comforting my new baby Phoenix. He's 6 days old today! What a blessing. Maybe tomorrow we must celebrate his 1 week birthmarker! Today we'll go see his paternal grandpare...

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• Birth of a Legend

  November 4, 2009

  Creating a legend has as much to do with the memory of the event's witnesses as anything else. And sometimes, stories which were begun in one way will begin to shaoe themselves with their own hands, to the surprise and frustration of the original storyteller. I think an important skill of a good ...

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