Recent Entries

• Go Insane

  June 1, 2008

  3rds now. Class soon. Tired, but hopeful for next year. Speaking of, I should fill that out. And check a few things.

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• Decisions, Decisions

  April 23, 2008

  So here's the issue:Moving Out Or Staying HereI think moving out is the threat. I can't afford to otherwise.So I get to stay here or I have to go out.I give the decision to him because I don't want to make it.Besides, maybe once I'm gone, his mommy can move in.My classes will limit me…

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• timid

  December 26, 2007

  I think I'm setting myself up again. He's doing just what he did before when we lived apart. He already knows what I want. Maybe it's back to our power struggle.I don't want to give up. But I don't want to feel sad either. All I know is that I more often than not bite…

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• Jaded for the Moment

  November 30, 2007

  I feel alone. Left alone. On purpose.I feel shut out. I feel rejected.Of course I understand. That's why I show no aggression, no anger or hostility.But truthfully I think you guys suck.I don't exist anymore because I'm not fucking your friend.Doesn't matter that we had a good time hanging out.Do...

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• i’ve been angry and sad about things that you do

  October 11, 2006

  sorry i haven't written, but i need you now.i am so fuggin tired of getting bitched at by him. all he does on our short visits is make fun of me, like i'm some stupid kid he has to chastize. he's usually mad and aggressive and is quick to bite and then whimper as if…

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• dance, dance

  May 20, 2006

  If your religion tells you to perform acts that promote life and happiness, then there is some light of good in those teachings.But what is it to be good? How can we determine what is ‘best’?To challenge their beliefs is to challenge the lesson they have been presented, and therefore ...

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• my insanity ensues

  May 8, 2006

  i already knew. these past few weeks for me have been so difficult. i wasn't happy unless i was with him. i held my deception in an other wordly view; it happened outside of me. i saw the signs and did not stop it. i couldn't, for whatever reason. then came the eruption. it bubbled…

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• caught you like a hurricane

  May 5, 2006

  part of me died today, in trying to do the correct thing. i decided, too late, to be honest, and now he's gone forever. not in actuality. he just says that now i'm to be a tool, used for his entertainment and, i assume, his gratification. but i don't know if i can anymore. i…

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• no matter how hard i try-

  April 23, 2006

  i'm nervous. very much so. i had nightmares that didn't seem very unrealistic. he hasn't responded to my notes on IM. i'm worried that this is closing. but why? nothing has really changed except his faith in me.. but last night, the look in his eyes, fabricated or not, tore through me. i don't wa...

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