Recent Entries

• Triggered.

  June 26, 2020

  Ugh I’m having a hard time coping tonight. Everything in me wants to self harm but I know I can’t....I have too much to lose. I don’t know how to cope and I think that’s why my ED came back into play. It’s a way for me to control all those emotions I have yet…

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• Weight loss

  June 25, 2020

  So I am slowly dropping pounds day by day. It’s a long and slow process but so worth it. It takes a lot of self control but now after over a month, I honestly can say I don’t crave food at night like I used to. I just don’t allow myself to eat after 7pm…

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• Thoughts

  June 22, 2020

  So this is something I wrote after my last episode of self harm which caused MCFD  to be involved again as they say I am HIGH RISK and are worried that I might unintentionally harm myself and my kids might wake up and see it. I wrote this about a week ago...frustrated I wanna advocate…

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• Proactive day

  June 22, 2020

  So today I took myself to the ER with my ex hubby ( we have a great relationship and share two beautiful children together) to advocate for myself and try to get myself some help quicker. I was admitted and they made an exception and let him stay with me to help speak for me…

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• Feeling so good

  June 21, 2020

  I’m enjoying my Saturday night. Spent a good couple of hours reading outside in my deck. Forgot how calming and good it felt to immerse myself in a good book. Might read some more or start a new puzzle. I’m working on ways to keep myself busy in a healthier way. It feels good. I…

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• Reading back on old entries

  June 20, 2020

  Well, I made the mistake of reading back on some of my old entries from 2007 and damn. I’ve learned that I am right back in the same mental mess as I was before. I’ve learned that people are still very closed minded, judgemental assholes today. I’ve learned that I had a lot of insight…

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• Lake day.

  June 18, 2020

  My brother and his gf asked if I wanted to go to the lake today with them so that’s my plan. It’s such a beautiful day out and I think will be the perfect Medicine for me right now. I’ve been reading all your comments and realize I need to do some deep analysis as…

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• Mental mess

  June 18, 2020

  So my mental state is a complete mess and now that I cannot self harm even if I really feel the urge, I’m definitely noticing thoughts of self harm through restricting are becoming very prominent. I don’t know why I feel the need to hurt myself but I do. I’d so love to slit my…

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• Sis

  June 18, 2020

  So my sis did stop by the other night. We had a good talk. She gave me some tiny round white pills with no writing on it to take in the morning to wake me up for my zoom conference call. Not sure what they were. She didn’t know the name just said they came…

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