Recent Entries

• is it?

  June 19, 2009

  Dear L, Yesterday and today I have felt absolutely no desire to talk to you.  I am trying to figure out why.  It's like a switch in my head flipped off and now I feel nothing when I see your picture, hear your voice, or think about visiting you.  I am apathetic, suddenly, after a&h...

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• 06/17/2009

  June 16, 2009

  Dear L, I'm starting to have negative thoughts again, and to question the sustainability of... everything.  I'm having doubts now, not only about you, but about the choices I would have to make in order to be with you sooner rather than later.  There are a few things that are clouding u...

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• I wish it was easy

  June 10, 2009

  It’s not easy to be in love with someone so far away.  Each day brings new challenges and revives old ones.  The future is cloudy and there’s no way to know how our lives are going to intersect. Every action causes a reaction that defies logic and I find myself crying over t...

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• question

  May 28, 2009

  its an allornothing, takeorleaveme, thunder-rumble question.  deep inside, longing and hurting for a brighter morning beyond the pane.  not a rolloffyourshoulders, puthatinyourpipeandsmokeit question.  harder, rougher and maybe slipperier than that.  the 'do you love me?' hang...

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• a birthday wish for someone distant

  April 28, 2009

  it's your birthday. i don't talk about you anymore, not to anyone. I keep you at bay instead, keep your memories out and my veins closed and wish the same for you. i wish the same and more for you. i've stopped wishing you'd come back into my life, work through the pieces with me…

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• tough truths

  March 24, 2009

  now i start to see how you've seen me: distant, occupied, full of goals. we all like the unfair world when it benefits us.  and i have to admit that i like you more helpless, with fewer options than me.  i like to think that my future will shape yours more.  all of these thoughts&h...

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• where?

  February 22, 2009

  where's the poetry that used to course thick and oppressive through and through my heart? thumping unevenly, i remember pouring out until i couldn't feel, not even tell the tears were drowning me out. where is that girl, the catharsis-producer? seventeen and tender, someone said, 'happy birthday,...

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• realization

  February 21, 2009

  I've realized: I only come here when I'm sad.  For over a month, I forgot about this beautiful, anonymous place where strangers are friends.  But suddenly, yesterday and today, I'm torn apart by small things that pile one on top of the other and I find myself searching out the nearest p...

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• then and now

  December 15, 2008

  there are traces of you on my skin, especially my throat, the favorite playground of your lips and tongue and teeth.  how did these months pass without their touch against me?  i am suddenly filled with sadness at the innocence and anticipation which has been stolen from us in these las...

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