Recent Entries

• Struggling Badly

  January 17, 2025

  I’m struggling. Not just kind of struggling. Really. Struggling. Like just want to sit here and cry forever. Jump off a bridge. Take too many pills. Run away. Anything for this pain to stop. My heart hurts. It feels like it’s breaking all over again. Into millions of shards that had maybe started...

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• He likes me, I think.

  December 20, 2024

  Avoiding work. Nothing new. I just screw myself doing this as I have to work late and all that. Really, I’m listening to a training and need something to do while I listen. So why not write an entry? The amazing random info - Tom likes me. Like I think he genuinely likes me. I…

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• Just rambling

  December 16, 2024

  I remain my own worst enemy. Working on it. Definitely working on it. The thoughts I create in my head though. They suck. Basically at the end of every day I revert to the fact nobody could REALLY like me and I’m probably too much for most everyone and I’m pushing too hard. Sigh. I…

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• Overthinking: My Own Worst Enemy

  December 3, 2024

  The title says it all. I’m my own worst enemy when it comes to getting inside my head and absolutely overthinking anything & everything. It’s so frustrating. You could say things with Tom have been going well. Thanks to my work schedule I had a ton of days off in a row from my second…

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• One Month of Dating or Whatevershipping Updates…..

  November 22, 2024

  I was so damn happy when I woke up yesterday. It’s amazing how quickly happiness can be shattered by a few simple words and the loss of someone amazing. *Sigh* - I was going to write a happy post tho. So I’m still going to try. I’m happy. I’m just sad too. But damn it…

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• Another Major Family Loss

  November 20, 2024

  I’m sad. So fucking sad. I had grand plans of writing an entry about how good things were going. However, the amazingness was shattered by a soul crushing loss of one of the most important people in my life. I’m broken. I hurt. I’m sad. I’m angry. You name it. I feel it. Kathy. Died.…

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• It’s the little things.

  November 11, 2024

  Found that quote scrolling and I loved it. There was a different quote a few weeks ago that I’d loved- Instead of continuing to ask a clown why he’s a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus. So true, Max & I entirely. He’s a clown but I kept returning when he…

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• Upgrading to phone calls… I think.

  November 7, 2024

  Another day has came and went. It’s a struggle to focus quite often. To not obsess over stupid, little things. I seriously question how I functioned before being given Adderall. Did I ever get any work done? Without it, I’m often in left field seeing a squirrel and counting butterflies. It’s ridi...

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• I REALLY like him.

  November 5, 2024

  I like him. Like genuinely like him. Not just lust him. Not infatuated with him. Not obsessed with him just to have someone to distract me. Not hanging out with him because it’s better than being alone. No. None of that. Genuine like. Real interest. Legit catching feelings. I REALLY LIKE HIM. Thu...

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