Recent Entries

• Poems for Teri

  May 9, 2012

  WHOLEThe maiden's eyes looked out towards peak,And laden skies hooked back a leakof sunset pouring o'er the mountain's steep.She wished a dream she'd had so clearexisted free and madly near: the one best for her soul and heart to keep.But nigh the wished came falling backand high he whisked her, ...

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• Being happy matters

  February 11, 2009

  Eventually I gained a greater understanding of existence, which, to be honest, is all guesswork anyway. But it's guesswork I can be satisfied with, at least so far.Here is what I have decided:My own existence is undeniably true.It's ok that I exist because I am not alive. I am alive in the tradit...

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• Need Tips for Hacking Reality

  March 8, 2008

  It's so bad: the restlessness, the dissatisfaction, this stupid fucking consciousness, all the same. It trickles down from the highest line of thought and WRECKS EVERYTHING. Sometimes now, all my resources go to damage control, and I just... don't work. I get strange urges, like wanting to throw ...

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• Autofantastic

  June 28, 2007

  I can't even begin to describe the mass of mixed feelings that I get these days. I don't really think I'm so much "coping" with it as much as "not getting a choice."I somehow have managed to not fuck things up for myself and get fired yet, which is nice because this is unquestionably over…

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• Downhill battle

  March 20, 2007

  I feel slightly less like a joke now.I got hired to deal poker at Caesar's Palace, a top tier casino here. This is roughly ten times the break I've been looking for, if I deal here for 6 months I could deal anywhere, but honestly I find it doubtful that I even would want to…

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• Superstition is stupid

  October 13, 2006

  Ok, so...I strayed from writing in here for so long because I've always been in the wrong frame of mind. I didn't want to have this be what it's been for me anymore, and I think it was perpetuating the ill frame of mind (for now let's call it "imminent death syndrome"), and now I…

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• Dreaming I’m alive

  May 6, 2006

  I have to admit, I feel like I owe this, and that should be unacceptable. Truth is, I don't really care. I'm in too much of a let them fall mentality to fight it, and given my crashed torrents, opportunity has risen. Besides, it's not like I don't want to.-----------------------------------------...

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• How does that make you feel

  March 25, 2006

  So yeah, I've been missing for a while. Let me try to explain this. Relations I have here are a difficult thing to put into words. There are a good many of you I'd take a hefty punch for, so I suppose that means I care about you in some way or another. Maybe in…

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• My life is not a saga

  March 1, 2006

  So two mondays ago, I went to get my hair cut, and Taco Bell is in the same strip mall as the haircut place, so I figured I would drop by to follow up just to see what would happen and what would be said.The drive-thru line was long as hell so I was glad…

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