Recent Entries

• I feel all…. Swirly…

  June 17, 2024

  Let me preface this by stating that I am a little stoned. But all of this was sober thoughts too. Which is what prompted me to get stoned in the first place.   (I am so shocked I’m forming whole sentences that make sense, however.) I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I…

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• Pre-therapy post

  May 30, 2024

  I have therapy later today and mannnn do I need it. My friend passed away and I’m in my feelings about it. He was doing so well with his health and then had a stroke and now he’s gone. I told him I’d make him Mac and cheese. He wanted a whole pan of it.…

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• Dramatic much?

  May 26, 2024

  Rough couple of days. I was a fucking mess the other day. I was so hurt. HE was hurt too. That made me feel better. I talked with the ex girlfriend a bit, even she made me feel better. She related to everything I was going through because she went through it first. Then I…

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• Shattered

  May 24, 2024

  I am broken. I am a shell of a person right now. After the last posts, I stayed. I stuck around. I know it was classic love bombing but was so easy to get swept up in. Today I found out he was still with his ex girlfriend for the first month of our relationship.…

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• Follow up to my follow up

  April 21, 2024

  I don’t want to accuse him of love bombing, of manipulating me, etc. because a person who is consciously doing those things won’t admit it, they’ll only get defensive and it’ll just start a whole thing. I just sent him the following text:   I DONT want this crap to come up. I don’t want…

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• Follow up to the last post…

  April 21, 2024

  He just called apologizing. Last night it was 100% my fault, this morning was still 100% my fault, but right now he called apologizing for the way he reacted and the things he said, and said he “hates being like that”…. So right now, at 11:30, I’m in bed and sobbing all over again because…

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• Complete 180

  April 21, 2024

  I guess the universe didn’t think I was ready to be happy. I saw a complete different side of him last night. It was ugly. He said some UGLY things. I’m actually mildly afraid of him.  I’m afraid of doing something wrong. I woke up in a complete panic and it hasn’t gone away. He…

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• So much to love

  April 18, 2024

  Right after my last post I on here I called around and found myself a new therapist. I didn’t do my last session with my previous one like I planned, because I felt like there wasn’t much that could be accomplished in one session and I didn’t want to spend the $140 out of pocket…

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• Gushing a little 💗

  April 3, 2024

  Effective Monday, I have new insurance. So also effective Monday, I need to find a new therapist. I briefly considered giving myself a break from therapy because I’ve been doing so well, but I think that with me starting a brand new relationship and with all of the things I have going on right no...

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