Recent Entries

• Boundaries

  November 13, 2024

  I really like my new(ish) therapist. She’s been helping me a lot with my boundaries. That was an accidental thing but it’s so far pretty awesome. It seems the more I respect my own boundaries, the happier I am. It’s a shame but I’m making myself NOT do things I would have done a year…

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• Achey Breaky Heart

  September 23, 2024

  That was an awful title. But to follow up on my last posting… turns out that whatever is going on with my heart isn’t as benign as they initially thought and I might have to have a procedure of some kind done… i don’t know what it was called but one of my valves… mitral…

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• It’s been some time hasn’t it?

  September 5, 2024

  I haven’t updated as much because I’ve been busy, tired, busy, busy, and tired. I’ve been having some heart problems for the last few months… Actually it started in January but was pretty sporadic, and I thought it was just panic attacks so I ignored it. Then in March, while still sporadic, it de...

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• I feel all…. Swirly…

  June 17, 2024

  Let me preface this by stating that I am a little stoned. But all of this was sober thoughts too. Which is what prompted me to get stoned in the first place.   (I am so shocked I’m forming whole sentences that make sense, however.) I feel like I am nothing. I feel like I…

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• Pre-therapy post

  May 30, 2024

  I have therapy later today and mannnn do I need it. My friend passed away and I’m in my feelings about it. He was doing so well with his health and then had a stroke and now he’s gone. I told him I’d make him Mac and cheese. He wanted a whole pan of it.…

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• Dramatic much?

  May 26, 2024

  Rough couple of days. I was a fucking mess the other day. I was so hurt. HE was hurt too. That made me feel better. I talked with the ex girlfriend a bit, even she made me feel better. She related to everything I was going through because she went through it first. Then I…

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• Shattered

  May 24, 2024

  I am broken. I am a shell of a person right now. After the last posts, I stayed. I stuck around. I know it was classic love bombing but was so easy to get swept up in. Today I found out he was still with his ex girlfriend for the first month of our relationship.…

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• Follow up to my follow up

  April 21, 2024

  I don’t want to accuse him of love bombing, of manipulating me, etc. because a person who is consciously doing those things won’t admit it, they’ll only get defensive and it’ll just start a whole thing. I just sent him the following text:   I DONT want this crap to come up. I don’t want…

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• Follow up to the last post…

  April 21, 2024

  He just called apologizing. Last night it was 100% my fault, this morning was still 100% my fault, but right now he called apologizing for the way he reacted and the things he said, and said he “hates being like that”…. So right now, at 11:30, I’m in bed and sobbing all over again because…

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