Recent Entries

• Meet me in my dreams

  January 24, 2021

  I still imagine fucking you. 10 years later and you left me hanging in the worst of ways. I still get wet thinking of the sober sex we never had.. So if I’m wrong and I won’t be in your arms in my next life....I’mma need you to make a dream appearance tonight and make…

  Continue Reading...

• Camouflage

  September 26, 2020

  Sometimes I feel my former consciousnesses bleeding through. Sometimes I feel like a visitor. Curiosity is the biggest, or most notable hallmark of my visitations. Curious to understand who this girl is. And curious to understand who else she might have been. it is interesting that I chose such a...

  Continue Reading...

• Quick visit

  June 14, 2020

  Woke up. My head spun up, and now I’m here: taking a bath and reading a diary written by the girl I was 6,7,8,9 years ago. I had to stop before I got to the meat of my affair with Matthew. I’m a romantic, and it will almost certainly fuck with me to read about…

  Continue Reading...

• Evolve.

  May 3, 2018

  Sometimes, I forget I’m a whole, evolved person. I did not come to the world this way, I became who I am. Slowly, painfully, with love and laughter and heartache, became this person. I come back to this diary because I can flip back through more than a decade of my evolution. It’s crazy. I…

  Continue Reading...

• quick thoughts

  May 26, 2013

   Just finished watching Shakespeare in Love (not for the first time). I love that movie. That said, forbidden love is not the best theme for me, especially not when it's romanticized in that way. Oh well, guess my insomnia will just swing around to being Matthew-related (it was work-related ...

  Continue Reading...

• 02/11/2013

  February 10, 2013

  I feel like the world biggest asshole for missing my therapy appointment this morning. Especially less than 24 hours someone stood me up for an appointment that I had taken to meet them on my day off. I hate putting people out. It's just really not my way. Ugh. Annnnyways... My therapist actually...

  Continue Reading...

• soul brother

  January 15, 2013

  one of the big mysteries of my recent lifetime (the last 5 years) is a why.  Why was I so instantly attracted to Matthew. Why was he important to me from the first moment we (re)met 4.5 years ago. Within a week of working with him, I was totally gone. If he wasn't around, I…

  Continue Reading...

• biology?

  December 28, 2012

  I've noticed a pattern. I can put Matthew in the very far corners of my mind 75% of the time. But the week in my cycle before I'm fertile, my brain goes into overdrive bringing him up again and again.  Here's the thing. John and I have been having unprotected sex for years. Although we've&he...

  Continue Reading...

• self-destructive

  November 11, 2012

   that is so......."me"   sometimes, I try to start fights. maybe I'm not okay with things being good. I don't fucking know. All I know is that I got myself in trouble. ugh.

  Continue Reading...