Recent Entries

• Emotions

  March 20, 2021

  Everyone who touches me makes a comment about how bony I am. I secretly love thinking I might be but my body still has a lot of flaws and flabby areas. I don’t eat anything that I don’t throw up except for my bouillon cube and sometimes fruit. I try to avoid eating fruit though,…

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• Failed

  March 19, 2021

  I ended up throwing up today. Just had to. I ate 1/2 avocado and 1/2 a banana and just wanted to throw up. I like myself like this.

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• Starve or purge

  March 18, 2021

  I’ve been trying not to throw up, but then there’s only so much I can eat. Yesterday I only had a bouillon cube so 35 calories. Today I just ate part of a turkey burger (no bun) and I’m trying not to throw this up. But the break room at work is FILLED with food…

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• Sad

  March 14, 2021

  It’s been a while since I’ve had free time at work, but I had some time today so I went into a patient’s room who had been combative with the techs. One of the techs said he wouldn’t or couldn’t eat and left with the food tray next to him. I put the tray in…

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• disappear

  March 12, 2021

  I watched a youtube today called The Morning After I Killed Myself, which had me in tears. Not that I would kill myself, but I keep wishing I was dead. I went to the grocery store again today, and felt so anxious with all that food around me. I limited my binge this time to…

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• Losing weight

  March 7, 2021

  I’ve read that most bulimics are average weight or above average. I’m not sure how other bulimics eat, but I don’t eat 3 normal meals a day and binge/purge other times. Certain things I eat I’ll just want to throw up. It doesn’t matter how many calories are in something or how much I eat.…

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• Work and food

  March 6, 2021

  I had a few busy days at work. I feel so dumb at work. I’m always behind and asking for help with how to do something. Even the secretary took off on a day I’m supposed to be in charge because she knows it will be awful. I keep thinking I’ll get better, but I…

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• 2

  February 26, 2021

  I started taking laxatives. That's gross. I'm so obsessed with this. I had to go get my hair fixed today, and all during it I was thinking about food and planning my purges. I work this weekend. No one there knows except one person, and no one anywhere else knows. I trust her and she's…

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• Food

  February 25, 2021

  I had to create a diary because I am so obsessed with food, I want to just talk to someone constantly about it. I started throwing up what I ate only a few weeks ago, but it really took over my life fast. I hadn’t meant it to, but even my thoughts have changed about…

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