Recent Entries

• You are not less than

  March 2, 2018

  My new anxiety medication seems to be working. I’ve been on it a couple days now and admittedly, I am a little less volatile. I don’t explode as easy and my mood seems to be more level. I’ve gotten heated, but they were well deserved reactions. If I have to live like an emotionless zombie…

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• Use your words

  February 27, 2018

  I've not been getting much sleep. M seems to be going through some kind of sensory phase with his "blankie". First of all, he has an already challenging bedtime routine where he has to touch certain air vents twice and pull the fan string 4 times (why 4?) before throwing 10 stuffed animals to the...

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• Warm winter evening

  February 20, 2018

  Breathe. Count to 3. Use a calm, monotone voice. Walk away. These are things I know to do yet I don't do them often enough. M is a handful lately. His repetitive behavior is raging and he had an awful speech session yesterday. It broke my heart sitting against the wall watching him hit himself&he...

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• School concerns

  February 13, 2018

  What a piece of shit day. Really, it was a whopper. I had my psych appointment this morning for the gastric sleeve clearance. I was honest on the 300 question survey and honest when I spoke with her in person. I was not cleared. It feels a little bit like being punished, frankly. I know…

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• Ups & downs

  February 7, 2018

  I don’t think my Wellbutrin is working any more, at least not how it should be. I’ve been having wild mood swings. I can go from elation to blind rage within seconds. I’ve always been this way, but for years Wellbutrin dulled the highs and lows. What would cause it to stop working? Immunity? My&h...

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• Finally restored

  February 4, 2018

  It's taken a week, but my diary has finally been restored. I spent some time going through my old entries, and even with them on private, I want them gone. They were horribly depressing to look back on. Lost friendships, deaths, financial missteps, etc. The only exception to this is the entries d...

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• Gastric Sleeve

  February 1, 2018

  I’ve been seeing my doctor every 6 months for years. During my last visit right before Christmas, he mentioned that maybe it was time to refer me to a weight management program. I had really expressed my frustration. I can lose it by drastically cutting carbs (pcos), but I can’t maintain it. 2 ye...

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• Silver linings

  January 29, 2018

  I’ve grown quite fond of Mondays. After a long weekend with a full house, everyone scatters. I’ve become so dependent on that 2 hours of quiet during the week when M is at preschool. By Sunday, I am so overwhelmed and stressed the walls start closing in on me. M had Speech today. He missed…

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• Pain

  January 27, 2018

  Several years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I’d been experiencing some neuropathy in my left leg and went in for a check-up. My blood sugar was through the roof. Since then, my health has been up and down. I took that diagnosis very seriously. I’ve always had a problem with my weight&...

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