Recent Entries

• love vs life long disease

  December 4, 2011

  I'm unhappy.   And I've never been so verbal about it, without getting the support I need in return.   My lifestyle and living habits reflect my recent decent into my depression-as the approaching winter always brings it out more.   The only thing that was going right is my boyfrie...

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• 10/26/2011

  October 25, 2011

  -Not a light topic-  You know, some people guys who knew about it have told me "It wasn't like he was a stranger forcing you on the street or anything, he was your boyfriend, who loved you" Yea, exactly, he was my boyfriend who "loved me" who waited till I was passed...

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• Progress

  December 14, 2009

      I can't tell if I'm happy because I'm doing things with my life, Or I just am so busy I don't have time to be sad.   I don't have the patience for it anymore.   I've spent too many years sitting and moping and fucking up my life to go back to it…

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• ex-best friend

  November 16, 2009

  No, not this again.   Fuck, panic attack. Its been six months since my last one. I forgot how terrible this is. I feel like shit.   I don't really know how i am suppose to feel.   I'm confused. I'm alone. I just want to skip this. Go forword a couple years.   I…

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• Head over heels, in love.

  April 11, 2009

  Ok, so when we lay in bed together we talk a lot about our relationship, yesterday we were just laying in his bed talking a lot, He brought up how we've spent everyday together (still have) and i asked if that was annoying him, because i was a bit worried. he said not at all.…

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• 03/02/2009

  March 1, 2009

      What do you do, when you can't tell the difference between whats killing you, and whats keeping you alive?   I'm hiding. from everything. for everyone. I'm never really there anymore. i don't think any of them can tell.   why can't i ever stop sabatoging myself? i've been ...

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• things are changing.

  February 11, 2009

  So, here i am. The day after my last entry, i was admitted into the hospital. That ward was scary as shit when i first came through. I couldnt stand being alone, with myself, with my thoughts.   But after a day there, i really started to learn things, and i was let out, with…

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• home from the hospital.

  January 8, 2009

  So i was upset. Depressed. crying. a mess. I cut. about 8 times. but the last one... was deeeeeep. very, fucking deep. deepers than anything i've ever cut in my life. the blood poured out. and i actually got scared. it woudlnt stop bleeding. i tried to put pressure on it, but my hand just…

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• is change possible?

  January 4, 2009

  I'm so confused. and hurt.   I knew Jared would hurt me. But i was in denial. I just didn't think you could fake passion like that. I really thought he liked me.   I want to change...I think? I know I definitely want to mature, and become more responsible, start acting my age. I…

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