Recent Entries

• 12/26/2010

  December 25, 2010

   i read a few older entries and it's like reading a stranger's thoughts. i read it all and i think "this isn't me. none of this is me" the last time i was me was before i met michael, and even then i was a little chemically unbalanced. but i had a spark. some kind…

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• 06/13/2010

  June 12, 2010

  i went to england for two weeks. i met nigel at the airport and we didnt leave each others sides the whole time. i was already in love with him before i met him. we are perfect together. he held my hand all the time..and we kissed all the time.. thursday night, on our way…

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• what i know tonight

  April 5, 2010

  what i KNOW i want to live i want to love i want to be happy what i also know i feel too much i get attached to people too easy and too quickly i get hurt easy i desperately wish for a soulmate i dont know how to trust anymore i LIKE being alone i…

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• 03/19/2010

  March 18, 2010

  im so fucked up i dont have anything figured out maybe im just a little girl who needs to grow up

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• what the what?

  February 14, 2010

  most girls don't think of their first time with fond memories. most girls say the guy was wrong , or the timing, or it hurt or didn't feel good. my first time didn't hurt at all. it felt so right. it was innocent and loving and full of longing and need. then i remember he…

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• no more

  February 8, 2010

  i broke up with michael this morning. i just called him crying saying i couldn't do this anymore. i get physically and mentally sick, and i can't trust him. i thought i could settle for a little bit of him. but no, all or nothing. i want more. i want someone who holds my hand…

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• 01/30/2010

  January 29, 2010

  i want to kill all the feelings. i want people to worry about me. because all i do is worry. i need someone to care that i am a complete mess. i can't TALK about it. i can't speak. i just feel sick all the time. i really want to fix things this year. take my…

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• dear michael

  January 20, 2010

  everything is horrible in my life. i wanted this year to be good. so far it just gets worse and worse. its feels like i have something heavy weighing me down and each day i feel like its harder to move. its getting hard to pretend like everything is ok. its not ok. when was…

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• 01/20/2010

  January 19, 2010

  my life has become an endlessly dark hole i just keep falling and no one is going to save me i think its going to end again

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