Recent Entries

• colored by nostalgia

  January 12, 2014

  Another week, same as the last. My roommate was gone this past weekend, the first time she's left the house for any period of time since I moved in, and I felt myself relaxing into it more, trying to make it my own for two days at least, but mostly it still felt big and…

  Continue Reading...

• practicing patience

  January 6, 2014

  These past few days have been up and down, going back to work is such a drag. It is nothing new, I don't have to explain it. It just makes me feel wholly inadequate and stressed out and anxious. I find myself racking my brain for any solution that can get me out of this…

  Continue Reading...

• the whole thing

  January 1, 2014

  OK, so it is time for my annual look-back New Year's post, I suppose. I was excited to write it last week, and I should've just done it then because but now that excitement has faded. But oh well, it is the first day back at work and it is noon and I have not done…

  Continue Reading...

• slowly, endlessly

  November 20, 2013

  It has turned cold here. When I wake up, the ground is frozen, frost sparkling in the stiff grass, crystalized fractals on the windows. I sleep fully clothed, curled into the fetal position and don't wake up until the morning. I dream of things that haven't happened yet, that will likely never ha...

  Continue Reading...

• too much

  November 11, 2013

  I THINK I AM IN LOVE WITH JUSTIN. There, I said it. I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY. It feels crazy too. But I have no words to describe what is happening between us besides those, no matter how hard I want to deny it. I feel crazy things when I am with him, and we…

  Continue Reading...

• how is it

  September 25, 2013

  It's weird when I wake up and start writing down my dreams and while writing them down I suddenly realize how connected they are to my real life and where all the images are coming from. Strange.  I wanted to come here yesterday and write a post IGNORING MY BREAKUP and the subsequent heartac...

  Continue Reading...

• how it is

  September 22, 2013

  It is getting cold and the rain has started. I'm sure there will be more nice days to come, but for now the forecast is rain. Cold, grey rain falling from a infinitely threatening cloudswept sky. It is incredibly depressing to me, and I am hanging onto the last remnants of summer with every last&...

  Continue Reading...

• all these feelings

  September 17, 2013

  I almost kissed him.  He came to my house to give me back my stuff, and so that I could give him back all the things of his I'd found unpacking. He knocked on my door, asked if he could come in, we hugged, and I almost kissed him. I didn't mean to do it,…

  Continue Reading...

• slowly, slowly

  September 3, 2013

  YESTERDAY was hard, it's like the pain is coming at me slowly, slowly and sometimes it just feels completely crushing but most of the time I don't feel it at all. Except yesterday, I was feeling the pain yesterday.  I met with my new therapist for the first time, and it was surprisingly good...

  Continue Reading...