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Mismatches

October 23, 2010
I'm not sure why I was worried about today. It was brilliant, given that it was a family do and we had lots of meeting of new people to do. My brother's girlfriend is wonderful, and the other brother's girlfriend's family are great too.  I was worried about not being able to stop myself flir...
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Recent Entries

  • Should be asleep
    October 23, 2010
      How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are? Late 20s, probably. Which is sad because I'm in my early 20s. Which is worse, failing or never trying? Never trying. Failing higher education may have broken me mentally and caused all my anxiety, but I'd never have l...
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  • Erosion
    October 22, 2010
     I can't remember how I used to survive in this house. It's mid October and I'm already wearing a t shirt, long sleeved and long armed pyjamas and a dressing gown to bed. I've got the electric blanket on full and I'm still frozen! I'm at my parent's house, and will be until Tuesday. It's&hel...
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  • Survival without Sex
    October 21, 2010
     After this week's debacle and subsequent make-up without the make-up sex, I'm finding myself asking whether a relationship can survive without sex, and if not, then how long does it take for it to collapse? The problem in our relationship lies with him. Since he started long distance runnin...
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  • Astrology
    October 21, 2010
     Am I being too hasty with this? I can't see that anything will change, and I'm wondering if he can.  Last time we spoke 'about it' he said that I'm always working, so when my laptop's open he doesn't know whether he can talk to me or not. So, for the past 3 evenings, for…
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  • Resentment
    October 20, 2010
    Thank you, OD Gods, for performing maintenance when me and him break up.  We had an 'episode' on Monday night, that resulted in me telling him that things aren't working and that I might have to leave. SO much has gone on since then that I don't know where my head is. We kind of…
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  • Mind Hunger
    October 16, 2010
    This isn't the 'lowest' I've been, but it's certainly the loneliest. I'm over 100 miles away from my family and the majority of my friends, living with a person who couldn't give a toss about me. I have a wonderful friend five miles away, but it's quicker to travel 30 miles away to the next…
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  • Robot wars
    October 16, 2010
     I'm trying the new tactic of becoming a cyborg, just like him. After a while he might realise that something is wrong and perhaps ask (I think putting an arm around me would still be too much at this point). He completed his run this morning in record time. I sent him a text saying…
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  • Plateau
    October 15, 2010
    I know I've said this before, in previous diaries, but it's taking a whole new level now. I've been, let's say, 'unsatisfied' for so long now that I'm getting bored of fantasizing. I'll start to concentrate on work and there it is, that niggling thought in the back of my mind saying "I want ...
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  • Low Point
    October 14, 2010
     I've reached rock bottom again. It's uncomfortable here at the wrong edge of my overdraft, and the end of my wick. It's stained with tears and self loathing. Littered with overdue bills from the council and receipts for food that someone else bought for me. Money money money money money.&nb...
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