I'm here to tell a story of my first love. I need to tell this story because I feel lost since he died last month.

Latest Entry

Away pt 2

May 6, 2024
Between work and cancer treatments, Rusty would come up and stay with me as often as he could to make sure I was complying with going to my treatments because he would not allow me to give up on my life and health. Because chemo sucks and you want to end your life when it's…
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Recent Entries

  • 2001: Away
    April 30, 2024
    I really thought leaving my home town and moving 100+ miles away would give me enough space between all the Drama and headaches the town drew in. I moved in with my brother into this pretty cool 2 bedroom apartment. I was working for a place called Kinko's (dating myself here if you remember that...
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  • The early 2000s
    April 27, 2024
    He cheated on me with Margo!!! I felt betrayed.  I felt violated. He was the last person I knew to be a cheater. I was hurt. I stayed busy with work.  I spent my weekends away in a bigger city.  Which is where my brother moved too. So clubbing. Drugs.  Drinking. Sex.  I didn't want…
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  • Our Story Part 6: 1999
    April 25, 2024
    When I heard his voice on the other end of the phone, my stomach felt like butterflies and I honestly felt sick. He told me he was not living with his parents and his brother just happened to get the message otherwise he doubts he never would have received the message. Looking back on that…
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  • Asset 5
    Is it Wrong to Mourn?
    April 20, 2024
    I find it really hard to mourn for someone who has not been in my life for so long. I mean we dated, then became friends, dated again off and on for years. He got married and I got married. He had kids, but we remained friends. Then last month almost a week after he…
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  • 1.5 years Apart
    April 20, 2024
    My time away from Rusty would seem like a fast time but really it was a huge mess in my life once he was gone. My roommates changed and the new ones had become liars and thief's. I reconnected with my older brother who started becoming more and more involved in my life. I even…
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  • Our Story Part 5: Fall of 1997
    April 18, 2024
    I was at a loss after I broke up with Rusty. I hated how much his dad would control situations but I did not want to be blamed for them fighting all the time. Those 2 months I felt like I was really lost. I drank and did way too many drugs to numb my…
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  • Our story Part 4: summer 1997
    April 16, 2024
    The next day after surgery I woke up and Rusty was still there. The nurses had me moving around and trying to get me to go to the bathroom, I was there an extra night because of the bathroom situation. I explained I always had a hard time going to the bathroom if I wasn't…
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  • Our story Part 3: 1997
    April 15, 2024
    Yes I had a date with one of my friends who I got high with & he was there to cheer me up after Rusty just disappeared. When I explained everything to him, he told me he was still my guy and would meet me later that week. Told me to let the other guy…
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  • Our Story Part 2: Summer 1997
    April 15, 2024
    After prom night, the following weekend, he called me and asked me to the movies. We met at the movie because I was working, our first movie was a movie called Spawn. It was based on a comic book that he read. This was the start of the beginning of comic books that I would…
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