I kept an online journal a number of years ago. I found it cathartic. And so, I'm back. Poor little me, back to divulge my biggest secrets, back to expose my deepest pain.
Poor little me. A jaded, apathetic and cynical individual. Poor little me. Someone who has believed in one too many lies. Poor little me. The cheated, betrayed and abandoned.

Latest Entry

Tired.

November 15, 2020
I’m tired.  I’m tired of the familiar pain that accompanies a broken heart.  I’m tired of being betrayed.  I’m tired of being used.  I’m tired of the numbness that escorts a new found lie.  Empathy has always been my greatest flaw.  You can cheat on me for four years, but when I find out and…
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Recent Entries

  • Update.
    November 7, 2020
    I have never been very good at standing up for myself.  I think that is pretty apparent looking at my past relationships.  I think my problem is that I always let my partner choose me, I have never been the one to choose them. How lovely would it be to be able to pick the…
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  • A Poem to Him.
    October 22, 2020
    I miss you. I miss the sound of your voice.  I miss the feel of your skin. I miss the sparkles in your eyes.  But I do not miss your sins. I miss the way you make me laugh.  I miss the way you hold me. I miss feeling safe with you.  But I don’t…
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  • Listen to the Dread.
    October 22, 2020
    Listen to the dread.  It is never wrong. I’ve had three serious relationships in my life.  Antonio, EJ and Michael. Antonio was my first love.  As an adolescent, I adored him.  I thought he was smart, charismatic and funny.  I was a senior in High School and I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do…
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  • Five|5.
    September 20, 2020
    Has the world given up on love?  Real love.  The kind of love that feels peaceful, serene, and safe.  How is one ever sure that they aren’t making a mistake when they say, I do? I have an idea of what love is, what love should be.  It isn’t something I can put into words. …
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  • Four|4.
    September 14, 2020
    I thought I knew who I was.  I thought I was strong.  I thought I was stable. I thought I was loved, cherished, and valued.  I wasn’t. I was misled into believing that I was enough.  I was blissfully unaware that my devotion was a charade.  A scam.  A mockery. I thought I knew who…
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  • Three|3.
    September 11, 2020
    I don’t forgive you.  I don’t see how I could.  I don’t understand how you expect me to forgive you.  I don’t understand why you still want me. I was blissfully unaware of your fraud. You owned me.  You had all of my love, all of my loyalty, and all of my devotion. But, I…
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  • The Other Woman.
    September 9, 2020
    Look in the mirror.  What do you see? Your skin has withered.  Your hair is thin.  It lies limply on your head, the color of a dirty puddle. Your eyebrows are almost gone.  You plucked them too much when you were younger.  Now, they are little slits that lie across your patchy forehead. Above you...
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  • Two|02.
    September 7, 2020
    She was raised to be better.  She was raised to be stronger.  She was supposed to stand up for herself. How did she find herself here?  AGAIN. She finally put the one man behind her who she never thought from which she would recover.  Years of physical abuse.  The constant battle to leave, and st...
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  • One|01.
    September 6, 2020
    Okay, yes, the cheater is totally wrong.  Cheating is a despicable, repulsive, selfish and deplorable act.  Especially if the cheater is in a relationship with someone he leads his to believe is serious, true and meant to be. What about the other person?  The “mistress” … the person who actively ...
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