twisted family relations

AM listening to my mother talk with my brother. Conversation not going well. I have a feeling this is what I’ll be hearing about at lunch with her tomorrow. She’s crying, raising her voice, which means my brother is being a jack-ass.

And it’s weird, because I can see both sides of it. I mean, i’m the one who ran away from home, so I know how my brother feels insisting that he loves my mother, but at the same time, I’m here with my mother now so I know how SHE feels. (By the way, I watched Gilmore Girls without my mother and sobbed the entire time in Hawai`i. That season hit a little too close to home). But I still think my brother’s being a jack-ass. Especially because I was severely depressed and he’s … not. Ok, he might be. I should know. I think he might be. But he drinks a lot anyways, so it’s hard to tell. I mean, he started drinking before I thought he was depressed. I ran away because I didn’t think I had any other option (it took me thirteen months to realise that yes, I did, but that’s besides the point) and he’s doing this because he ‘Philosophy means a lot of thinking and I don’t want to do that right now’. Jack-ass. /emoness

And now my brother calls me, wanted to know if I was home, found out I was, wants me to know he’s sorry for upsetting mom, but he’s an adult and can make his own decisions, that he can’t afford school right now, that he doesn’t want a Philosophy degree anyway, he’ll go to culinary school in a year for two years, and by the way, how could I show mom pictures of him drinking on facebook and I’m the only one who could have possibly done it and could he please just tell me now because it would be better if I told him now and we’re both adults. I told him I hadn’t and didn’t know what he was on about, but that he has another sister and he was like, ‘so she did this’ and I had to be like, no, I don’t know, I didn’t do it!

And then I basically hung up on him, screamed I HATE THIS FAMILY and you know what?

Sometimes I really really do.

OH MY BLOODY GODS HE CALLED ME BACK.

Asked for two favours. One, tell him everything about my mother’s reaction and two, tell my father to call him without letting my mother know that I told my father to call him. For fuck’s sake! I said no to the first, then promptly went downstairs and asked if I’d been switched at birth because there is no way I am related to him! Then, in front of my mother, I told my father that he wanted my father to call him. And then my mom asked why and I told her why. Good Grief!

Yes, sometimes I really do hate this family and our twisted relations with each other. I’m not going to get all emo and write about the relationship with my brother and how good it was and how bad it’s not. I’m not. Because if I do, I will cry and I don’t want to cry.