Obsessed Is Such a Strong Word
The other day, I was talking to Priscilla and Sam and Sam said she had a camera. I’m like great. We had drumline practice that night. Chad, Corey, Tilf…catching my drift. Chad was playing the guitar one Saturday on a little break we got and it’da been an AWESOME pix. MMM! Shawn and Steve also pulled out the chairs from the band office and used them when they weren’t playing. They took turns spinning each other in them and would prop their feet up on their tenors a lot too. And they were both wearing slippers. That’d would be a great pix for the scrapbook. I’m seeing the caption “Now There Is Some Hard Work”
Anyways, So they’re both like You’re obsessed! (sorta loud too)I’m like Shut Up! NO I’m not. They’re really hot and if you saw them, you’d know why a pix would be nice to have. Trust me! Sam’s like, Well, ya got a point. Priscilla also told me, “Chris just looked at you” when they said that. GREAT. Then the warning bell rang and they left for class. I really felt sorta mad that they think that. I really don’t wanna come off as that sorta person. I’m not Dave here!
I was talking to Ryne in English Thursday and outta nowhere, he asks me “So how’s the guy you’re obsessed with?” I’m like “What are you talking about? I’m not obsessed with anyone” He makes this face like he doesn’t believe me says “Yeah…Okay” and I’m like “Seriously, I’m not obsessed with anyone” He’s like Don’t you like that Pete guy” I’m like “Yeah, but that’s not being obsessed with him” He’s like “well what do you call it then” I’m sorta at a loss for words for a second…I mean…I dunno what you wanna call it…an infatuation…a crush…a MAJOR crush…I wouldn’t say I’m in love with him, I don’t even know him. But I really want to… So i told him “I just really like him” and he’s like “sure…” That really bothers me that he thinks that.
Okay yeah, I was probably really obsessive about certain things, like Aj. Um…yeah, that qualifies as obsessiveness and I’m really sorry about that to all of you knew about it and put up with it. He’s just one of those…phases…(flobt)…we all have them.
Do people really see me as obsessed? This also bothers me. I wish I didn’t care about what other people think. Maybe one day I won’t. I’m not obsessive. I do care about things tho. I’m sorry if seeing him in the hallways, even for a second, makes me happy. I’m sorry if thinking about him makes me happy. I’m sorry that I care about anything.God forbid I be happy at all. Even at the small things.
Would you rather I not care about anything and be monotonous or so bored with/about everything. Things may not be how I imagine them but at least I can do that. There’s this little thing called “hope” as far-fetched as it seems…why not… Is that so wrong?!